The Mutts and Moons love
by lovealoud
Summary: The adorable story of Remus and Sirius' love. Follows from beginning of their time at Hogwarts and after. High rating for language, serious themes and sex. (Just a little warning)
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1:

Remus Lupin's hand wrung together in a nervous, trembling mess as he sat in a carriage all on his own. He had wanted his mum to be here, but, obviously she couldn't get onto the platform being a muggle. He had his father instead and though he loved him to pieces, it wasn't the same as his mum. Ever since the attack, his mum had been his source of comfort; he had lots of baked treats, hugs and kisses from her since. His father though supportive was guilt ridden and though he hid it well Remus could tell he was wary and slightly ashamed of his son's predicament. This was because, and Remus knew, his mother, unlike his father, didn't know the same stigma Lyall grew up with and also could never understand the full danger of werewolves to her husband's stress. Therefore, she just looked at her son with full grief. After her husband had told her how much an outcast Remus would feel in the wizarding world she vowed to make him know how much she loved him. From then she thought school may be too much for him, he did half days some weeks and near the full moon none at all. The muggle world was told Remus was seriously ill. Hope taught him what basic knowledge he would need such as maths, science and English and loved the days when she would spend the whole day reading with him. In the time when Lyall was at work she would also bake with Remus, take him for walks, garden and play games and through this they became very close. When Remus' father returned home he would spend at least an hour showing simple spells and potions trying to teach him the magic that he wouldn't be taught at Hogwarts like other kids his age. However, one day Dumbledore showed up at the Lupin's door and told Remus he was to attend Hogwarts. This left Remus, sitting here on the train wanting to cry. He could feel himself sweating and felt rather sick. He clung to a small brown bag of ginger cake and a book his mum and dad bought him for the train ride, though his dad had assured him he would make friends and wouldn't need it. So far eight people had peered into his carriage and all had walked away after looking at his pallid, ill looking self. Maybe they thought he was ill and contagious. Remus was very small for his age and skinny. He looked week and frail even though underneath his oversized clothes there was a lean body of tight muscles. It was just that the transformation played havoc on his child's body. He noticed a group of girls in the opposite carriage staring at him causing him to flush in timid embarrassment. One of them with big green eyes and a head of dark red hair got up and in a girlish shuffle made her way to Remus' carriage. 'Hello I'm Lilly' she smiles widely so her freckles reached her eyes, popping her head around the door. She carried on gaining more confidence and steps into the carriage, 'me and my friends were wondering whether you would like to pop into our carriage for a little while', however, the absolutely terrified expression on Remus' face caused a look of panic. Her brow creases and eyes watered and grew bigger. Remus was about to say something however, all that came out was a choking whimper. Lilly quickly babbled 'well, goodbye then, the offer is still open, only if you want to, well bye, sorry'. Remus sat, swallowing his tears even more, he felt even more an idiot now. He had never really had to deal with other children his own age. He looked out of the window wishing his dad would find his window so they could talk. He noticed other kids, a boy with unruly black hair, already tall swanning through the crowd waving away his parents, who were rather elderly. He then at ease jumped onto the train arrogantly. He wore a lopsided grin plastered his face. He was already dressed in Hogwarts uniform, his robe slung over his arm. His parents waved him goodbye and walked away. They were all very content with this action and by no means as cold as the next the Remus encountered. Another boy was being pampered by his parents, he had pale skin and dark black hair that was smoothed maliciously into a small pony tail that his parents protested to pamper at. He could see his mother berate him for the style and his father give a sweeping look of disparagement that the small boy shrugged off. He then pulled away and whined at his mother which led to his mother slapping him. At that note he grabbed his bag and stalked onto the train in a flush of anger. Suddenly, Remus' dad's face popped up at the window. After a small startled shriek Remus reached up to open the top of the window so he could hear his dad. 'Sorry Remus, I went back to see if your mum was okay, she said to have fun and she also said she forgot to give you this' and with that his dad fished around the pocket of his muggle coat to pull out a small necklace that had sun on it made in gold. Remus smiled and pocketed it quickly. He would put it on later where his dad wouldn't disapprove.

'Sorry Remmy, your mum insisted'.

But, Remus' grin widened, 'its fine Dad, will you tell her I love it and her' he replied.

They chatted for a little more till the arrogant boy from before burst into Remus' cabin panting and slightly sweaty 'I am going to sit in here for a bit' he announced before plopping onto the seat.

At that point his dad stopped talking gave a small thumbs up then stood back and smiled at Remus proud that a boy was sitting with Remus. As the train pulled away Remus resisted the urge to cling to the window and pound it till he escaped. Yet, he remained sat silent till the boy across from him spoke again.

'My name is Potter, James Potter, yourself?' he said.

Remus replied rather quietly 'erm, Lupin, Remus'.

'Good, can you believe it, we're finally at Hogwarts, did you see the Black kid, his own mother hit him, deserve right so too, Slytherin he is, complete scum, oh merlin! I hope you're not a Slytherin, you don't look like one, you look pretty decent, I am Gryffindor, brave you see, well I hope to the merlin above, what are you. Hufflepuff? On second hand you would of probably would have said hello first. But, you never know, are you Ravenclaw? You have a book there, but then you never really can tell. Except Slytherin, you can tell them a mile off, proper scum like that' he rambled on.

Remus smiled politely nodding now and again to indicate he was listening.

'You don't talk much do you, say something'

Remus flustered stuck out his brown bag, 'Ginger cake'

'Of course!' exclaimed James and dug out two slices.

The rest of the journey went peacefully, chattering along telling Remus of all the balls and magic events he had gone to and his broom riding skills. Sometimes he would sneer and comment on supposed snotty Slytherins passing the carriage door and then carry on conversation but, Remus soon found he was enjoying James' chatter and laughing.

As soon as they arrived at Hogwarts James dragged Remus to the boats, still rabbiting on, he told Remus, how his dad told him how first years go across the lake to get to the school. Remus rather enjoyed the constant stream of talk, nodding his head happily. When they were piling into the boats he noticed the red head girl and smiled at her. When she caught his eye she eagerly waved back which caught James' attention, 'snotty prat she told me off for being 'rude' all because I fell into some greasy haired git, that's the one there' he stopped his rant pointing at a sullen, long haired boy trailing behind the group of girls. Only Lilly seemed comfortable with him. James as per carried on, 'she told me she was going to report me to a prefect and one day she was going to be a prefect and would then she would...well I didn't hear what she said. But, Remmy I am sure it would have been snotty and prat like'. Remus, sat chuckling while James was on the boat. Sometimes he would get so excited seeing another of his wizarding fellows that he nearly knocked everyone off the boat, at other times he would run his hands through his hair, almost as though he was searching for something to say.

Xxx

Meanwhile, Sirius sat on a boat with a group of snivelling children while, while craning his neck to try and see fellow pure bloods who would please his father to make acquaintances with and boys and girls that resembled something respectable. While he was looking, he did spot Potter, looking as dishevelled and unrespectable as his father had told him traitors looked. He was messing around, his arms waving madly around the boat. He had dark black hair, messy may Sirius add, and an already handsome looking face. He had the Potter's looks for that matter. He was accompanied by a smaller boy, who looked tensed and posed. He had long honey blonde hair that came to his shoulders and flicked out haphazardly at his neck. His uniform was slightly too big for him. Though normally he would tut, make an offhand comment about the boy's obvious unkemptness and lack of class, he actually found the peculiar boy's hair and slightly too large uniform endearing. But, as soon as he felt this emotion Sirius suppressed it and focused on the looming castle.

When they arrived below the castle Sirius did find he was standing with this boy and the Potter lad.

He also found himself sneering 'where are you heading, if you've got the choice?' already knowing the answer.

'Gryffindor, where dwell the brave at heart! Like my dad... Got a problem with that?' James replied cockily. Sirius was just about to make a comment about the other boy when a slimy worm slid onto Sirius' shoulder.

'No. If you'd rather be brawny than brainy' the greasy boy crowed and persisted to pat Sirius' shoulder. The sight made his lip curl. He instantly pushed the boy over and wiped his robe as if the boy had transferred a contagious disease.

'for a black, that wasn't bad' James laughed, not appeasing to Sirius' humour. But this was cut short by McGonagall's voice cutting through the light mood.

'What is the ruckus?' she screeched, her eyes darting around the scene. 'Black, this is a warning if you had a house I would be deducting points for such behaviour, and I am sure your mother and father would not want to hear about this!' James stood sniggering at the way the Black boy's lips curled further and his face grew more petulant by the minute.

'And Mr. Potter, may I add what was the commotion on the train earlier? Do you really want to start the year off with detentions? I think not, I am watching you Black and Potter'

With that they went off into the hall to be sorted


	2. Chapter 2

Up in the dormitory, Remus sat quietly on his bed, readily washed, full and in clean pyjamas. He had left his curtains opened as the others had up until his point. Privacy didn't seem to be something that existed in this dorm. James had already been sitting in his underpants for quite some time till he decided to go for a shower. He then came back into the room with nothing but a towel around his waist and when Peter Pettigrew a fat boy whom James knew vaguely of already walked back from his own shower James stole his towel leaving poor Peter naked. Peter didn't seem to mind too much, but squealed a little till he found his bath robe. Remus sat watching the boy in the bed next to him, Black his name was, he seemed to be incredibly upset to be here. Remus in fact was rather relieved, he was sure he was destined for the dark arts being a creature of the night, yet the hat had chosen Gryffindor. However, the black boy had sworn at the hat till McGonagall had given him a stern look and escorted him down to the Gryffindor table where he was sat next to Remus. He didn't eat anything during the banquet, and even when James was joking around he stayed perfectly still and silent. The black boy was attempting to unpack his case. He brought out nicely folded clothes and chucked them into the draws given to him creating more of a mess. Peter, had already put everything into his draws best he could, but, James had already begun to root through it, pulling silly jumpers out that his gran had knitted him. James' belongings were all over the room already.

Sirius, was livid, he couldn't help panicked and scared about his parents reaction. He could see Narcissa laughing at him from across the hall. He bet she mailed his mother as soon as she reached a quill. Terrible questions kept reeling around his head, would they disown him? Kill him? Torture him? Use black magic on him? He wanted to vomit. He looked around the room, luckily the fat boy had immediately whimpered away when he had given him an icy glare, Potter had given up his jokes about Sirius' predicament but, still the long blonde haired boy didn't back away. In fact he could feel his gaze burning onto his skin. He quickly turned and pounced on him, shaking holding the boy down. He did nothing but open his kind eyes wider, allowing Sirius to pin him to the bed. James and Peter who had been messing around on Peter's bed suddenly noticed the commotion and went to grab Sirius. He was willingly pulled back; confused as to why the boy looked at him like that and as to why he didn't retaliate, he could feel the little boy's strength. With that, Sirius quickly dived underneath the covers and pulled the curtains shut and tried to sleep. Terribly confused he didn't manage that night, or the next few.

James soon found out that Peter would do whatever he said, which he was particularly happy about, Remus kept to himself but, could be a good laugh and was great at charms and history of magic which James found terribly boring. But, he also found out what a weird arse Sirius was, he never ate, slept or talked even. James didn't particularly care but, Remus did. He noted how the boy looked gaunt and suddenly seemed to regress into his frame after losing a lot of weight. He looked weak. Remus, never tried to push conversation, but, something about his caring manner got on Sirius' nerves.

One day a howler arrived, they were sat at breakfast, the others tucking in and Sirius staring at the food when a howler came.

It screamed, 'Sirius Black the third, the entire family are inexcusably outraged with the outcome of the sorting into the houses. We entirely blame yourself for these actions, therefore, we request of yourself to at least present yourself in the best light possible. We are utterly lived! We do not want you fraternising within anyone who is not of pure blood status, your grades better be to an absolute best and Sirius. Plus, your mother asks if you would not come home this year as she is too embarrassed beyond belief to deal with your misfortune. Remember Sirius, we will not hesitate to disown you!'

When it was done, the entire Slytherin table was laughing at him. He at some level felt relieved the reaction he had been dreading was over and looking back he would realise that was the worst of it over. Nevertheless, he was purely humiliated at this point and ran straight out of the room and down to the dungeons where their next potions class was. He wanted to punch something, or cry or even just kill himself because his entire life was over. Instead he vomited. It was then his voice came from the doorway.

'Hey, Sirius, you need any help'. There was no reply so Remus carried on instead.

'I was just wondering if you felt alright, you know after the hall' then noticing the vomit he said 'hey I can clear that up' and with a wave of his wand and a mutter it was gone. Sirius couldn't bear it, why was this boy being so nice. Suddenly Sirius snapped, he bounded at him, punching the boy in the face and screamed 'JUST PISS OF OKAY, I DON'T NEED YOU, OR ANYONE, JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!'

He wanted a reaction, a fight, rather than this sympathy. Yet, Remus stared blankly at him; there was no fear, no threat, just nothing but, maybe something warm and kind which Sirius was sure as hell not used to. He felt even more isolated at this moment than ever and in the darkness of the dungeon found he was punching Remus. Remus did nothing but tense his muscles the first time he was hit then, dodged the second and disabled Sirius by the third swing. That night Remus didn't come up to the dorm and hadn't been seen at dinner. Sirius unaware it wasn't to do with him felt terrible guilty and though slightly relieved after his outburst earlier on in the day, he was set in sour mood for the next few days till Remus showed up. In this time James and Sirius bonded over their mutual hatred of Snape.

It had been two days since the howler and Remus was yet to return, due to the wolf being particularly harsh on him because of the new scene change. James and Peter had grown accustom to Sirius joining some meals and commenting on their conversations together, yet you wouldn't call them friends. Not till two days after Remus' disappearance. Snape that day, according to Sirius and James, was being particularly greasy. It also was partially due to Sirius' bad temper. Snape happened to be talking to Lilly Evans that particular lunch. When he passed Sirius' table he had made a comment at Sirius. It wasn't that, that ticked off Sirius; it was rather a comment at Gryffindor in general that led to Sirius hexing Snape. Generally anything the slimy freak did that day would have ticked Sirius off. So exclaiming loudly 'what did you say, you snivelling prick? Sirius shot a rather nasty hex his way at the exact same time James Potter had decided to hex him also. This led to a nasty reaction of Snape growing huge blisters all over his face, which then when popped sprinkled pink dust everywhere in small explosions. This led to cleaning the dungeon toilets for two days and one of the greatest friendship Hogwarts had ever seen.

'Did you McGonagall's face, it was priceless' laughed James 'Potter, Black from day one you have been hooligans within this school' he added, using the toothbrush as a wand.

'However, the better reaction was Snapes' sniggered Sirius until he looked inside one of the loos to see dirty marks clinging to porcelain. James peered in and chided 'do you think that came out of Slughorns arse?'

'No, probably that Evan's girl, she is always at that butterfly club or whatever the daft name is'

'She's a girl, girls don't shit'

'You fancy her' Sirius ventured in small disgust.

'No I don't, too annoying' James added defensively. Who would fancy a girl when you could torment Snape all day long, girls just wanted to talk and hold hands? James really couldn't see the point.

'Snivellous does then'

'I think you be right there Black' he smiled lopsidedly. A lopsided grin most girls drooled over already. James had a rather boyish handsome look about him; he was toothy and generous in a way, while Sirius had high arched cheek bones which gave him an air of elegance which he seemed to accept. When he was laughing like this it contrasted his fine aristocratic features. Here in the bathroom he looked a tad dishevelled, his shirt undone, no tie or robe. His hair was out of place and he still looked slightly gaunt in his face from not eating for a few weeks, though a lot of girls would profess that this made him more handsome not haunted.

It was all a surprise to Peter when Sirius and James came back together laughing hysterically and wouldn't shut up for whole night, planning the next horrible prank on 'Snivellous' as they had nicknamed while scrubbing wash basins.

After five days missing, Sirius really did think Remus had gone home because of him. He hadn't told the other two what he had done as, though he would never of admitted, he loved having proper friends. He and James were sat on Peter's bed in the midst of Wizard chess when Remus walked in. 'You should probably watch your king James' he commented casually putting his things on his bed.

Sirius completely astounded cried 'your back! Oh thank merlin!' before coughing and running a hand through his hair composing himself.

'Um thank you Sirius, I didn't know you cared so much' he replied half-heartedly. Sirius was desperate to know whether he needed to apologise, he hated doing that and also whether he even left because of him. But, he was back right; things ought to be okay if he was back. And though at this point Sirius only thought he really mildly cared about James, he did feel some sort of relief Remus was back. Luckily, Sirius didn't have to voice any of this as James asked 'so where have you been then Lupin?'

'My mum was ill' he said quickly.

'Oh what with' James asked, eyes locked on the chess board 'oh and what do you mean my king?'

'A muggle illness, she's okay now and I mean watch the bishop and the knight'

'Crap, I am going to lose anyway aren't I, hey anyone want any food, I am going down to the kitchens?'

'Starving' agreed Remus and Sirius.

When James had left, there was an awkward silence in the room. Sirius had kind of forgotten this atmosphere as he was suddenly propelled into an intense friendship with James and Peter. He stared at the floor for some time, scuffing the floor with his shoe not knowing what to do. He thought he may have wanted to apologise yet, a Black would never do that. Luckily, Remus, being himself smiled softly and asked 'You feeling better?' and left it at that.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3:

Over the next few weeks, everyone seemed to get along better, James was instantly one of the most popular boys in school and surprisingly Sirius followed. The boys were generally in trouble, Peter eagerly following but, never daring to do something. Sirius, seriously enjoyed James' company, he didn't mind Peter too much however; Remus seemed to keep his distance. It wasn't that he was rude, quite the contrary, he seemed to be friends with them. But, when they invited him to do something there was always an excuse or he wouldn't talk to them unless provoked and for some reason Sirius really wanted the mysterious small boy with honey blonde hair to talk.

Remus, though he liked the boys in the dorm a lot, had made a careful decision to not let them get too close. His parents had told him to make friends, but also to not let others know about his condition. He couldn't see how both were possible. He worried if he got too close they would find out about his secret and ten what? They would be sure to report him, everyone hated werewolves. There were already rumours about a supposed werewolf in school. He had heard James and Sirius whispering about it earlier.

'I heard there was werewolf in school!' James said in a low voice, joining the table at lunch.

Peter eyes opened up alarmed, Sirius eyes glittered amused and mischievous, Remus choked on his shepherd's pie.

'S s scared Remus' Peter joked.

'Erm sure, sorry… food… went down... the wrong way' he excused still spluttering. He looked up to Sirius staring at him, not maliciously but just staring. He wasn't too panicked; he often found Sirius had a habit of doing this. He just watched him, intently and loyally, like a dog really. Nevertheless, it struck a chord within him and from then on he decided to remove himself from these guys a little.

He found himself in the library lots, or by the lake, he would read a lot and attempt to write letters to his parents he never did send in the end. What could he tell his parents? That he didn't have friends in case they found out he was a werewolf? It would only make his dad's guilt worse. However, as winter drew he found he could spend less time outside and more time in the library, and as that was terribly boring to anyone for too long, he ended up wandering the corridors. That is when he bumped into Sirius.

'Remus, crap quick this way, old filch has got his knickers in a twist' he panted, a sheen of sweat glistening over his pale skin, into Remus' face. He could feel Sirius pushing him, but, unfortunately didn't move. He should have, Sirius may have suspected something was slightly wrong with him. How a boy so little, though he had just had a growth spurt, have so much strength would be beyond his mind.

'Come on Remus! Merlin, you're strong' finally managing to pull Remus into a broom closet down the corridor only to find it was a tad too small for both their liking. Remus, didn't normally mind close proximity, he really was one for hugs and physical affection. Though, he knew Sirius wasn't, he could see the other boy tense a little as he tried to double over and regain breath and this made Remus uncomfortable being ever aware of others feelings. Especially Sirius, there was something about him. Something that made Remus hyper aware of his actions, sense his movements and feel his presence.

'Have you seen James?' he asked in a voice attempting to be casual and aloof but, Remus could hear the tension behind it.

'No, sorry, what did you and James do exactly, if you don't mind my asking' Remus, smiled softly.

'Nothing that bad, just a little prank, you know a few exploding snaps enchanted to not go off in the water but with the touch of his broom, it was bloody brilliant Remus!'

Remus couldn't help laugh at how animated he had got. He had noticed how Sirius had a tendency to go from one mood to another almost instantly. At this moment he was nearly bouncing of the walls. Sirius wasn't naughty, just nearly always up to no good. He was a mischievous sort of fellow and never, even involving Severus, purposefully set out to be mean. He was just incredibly loyal, and mixed with his defiant streak, Sirius and James were unstoppable. Or so Remus thought.

'So me and James were thinking of trying out polyjuice potion this Halloween, it would be a right hot, we are going to get peter to…'

'WAIT! WHAT!' Remus said slightly too loudly for the closet. He regretted his outburst almost immediately as a plethora of emotions swept over Sirius' face. He went from alarmed, to panicked, to amused and finally crest fallen. If Remus hadn't been so concerned the way Sirius could change his entire mood so quickly would have caused a chuckle but, instead sent Remus off babbling an apology.

'I mean, it's pretty dangerous don't you think'

'I have thought about that' he said proudly causing Remus to cock an eyebrow 'I am a Black, we are naturally skilled at potions'

'Not you, you caused an explosion last week, in James' face, he no eyebrows for two days, what it went wrong?' and failed to add you cocky prat. He could see Sirius brain practically whirring as he though through this predicament. Then he suddenly sparked 'Remus why don't you do it!'

'No'

'Come on, your ace at all your subjects, I mean this is fool proof imagine, me you and James, we all pick some Slytherin and we make Peter be…'

But, all of sudden the door to the closet swung open, and light crashed into the room from two blazing torches and Sirius never did finish what Peter was meant to do.

'I told you it was 'em' a gravelly voice crooned to the nearer figure. Who, unfortunately, turned out to be Ms McGonagall.

'Mr Black I thought I heard your commotion in here, and Mr. Lupin well I am surprised to see you cavorting with young Black here, my office at once!' she glared before swooping away.

Remus looked over at Black who was nearly in a fit of giggles on the way to McGonagall's office. As they approached the door they could see the wild messy array of jet black hair that belonged to James and the trembling body that was Peter.

At that moment James turned around to growl 'Peter ratted us out.'


	4. Chapter 4

Sirius thought he was a bloody genius. He had got Remus to help them on their next prank. This meant the potion wouldn't go wrong and also led to their friendship. It all began on the first night of detention. Remus had one nights worth, Peter two and James and Sirius four due to their recurring offenses. 'So we will start the potion tomorrow and then it should be ready for Halloween' James annocunced, mopping the floor.

'You sure this is a good idea?' Remus challenged, still rather unsure about the task at hand.

'y yeah J J James, y you sure?' Peter chirped.

'Shut up Peter, yes, any way what's the worst that can happen?' James snapped, annoyed

'I don't know we end up at Mungos' Remus retorted

'We won't I have my Dad's book with it in'

'Doesn't stop us from getting caught and in trouble'

'Don't worry your blond locks Remus, you have got my Black's charm and good looks, plus Potter can chip in the little charm he has, if he puts a bag over his head' Sirius joined in from the window ledge.

At this James threw the mop he had at him, which missed, and caused Peter to laugh which he immediately stopped at the glare from James and Sirius.

'What charm?' Remus questioned amused at how big Sirius' head could be 'you have got the rest of the week worth of detention with Slughorn and James'.

'No, that is Peter's fault' Sirius defended himself and before Peter could begin to stutter an apology 'Shut up Peter, any way Slughorns the best company and James is okay now and again'

'Hey, I am your only friend!' James whined.

'I have other friends!' Sirius quipped, a little insulted.

'Like who?' James tested.

'I'm y your f friend S S Sirius' Peter offered.

'Piss of Peter, Remus is, aren't you Remus?'

'Erm sure, if you want'

Sirius Jumped down and pointed 'See!'

'He was just being nice, face is Black you're a bore' he smiled as he lent against a cubicle, pretending to inspect his nails.

'Am not, the Blacks are the best company' he offered nonchalantly as he could.

'The Blacks are the BEST company' James imitated in his best posh voice, holding his chest and performing a little leap, 'Look at me I am Sirius, all moody and dark till James Potter the best boy in the world comes along! Then I am fun, look at me la la la!'

It was a rather good impression of Sirius which left everyone rolling about on the floor in tears laughing apart from a dangerously white Sirius, who was staring absently at Remus. Remus stopped laughing to catch his eyes.

'Remus you are my friend?' he asked and at that moment he seemed especially vulnerable to Remus, hell Sirius felt like a girl at that moment. Remus just replied 'of course' as if they had been best friends all along and that was enough for them.

Though to Remus, Sirius and James' friendship had been completely easy, he quickly realised how annoying Sirius' weird quirks were and what a good friend James naturally was. Sirius hated many things such as physical contact. This could have been due to it never being a loving act in his child hood. He was either being poked and prodded or slapped and smacked. The only thing close to a nurturing touch he had was Kreacher and Sirius hated him. Anytime Remus would go to touch Sirius beyond pulling him by the hand he would flinch and go into one of his moods. His mood swings were another thing, no one would deny that Sirius was melodramatic. Most people would say he was annoying, and though Remus argued it was endearing at first and James put up with it, eventually it was completely throat strangling mayhem. He would go from being as over exited as a puppy to being as moody as a vampire. On top of this, these moods would last for days, in these days he wouldn't eat, sleep and was downright horrible to be with. The last awful thing was his inability to admit he was wrong. This was to do with his spoilt brat, Black, I am better than everyone else upbringing. On the night of Halloween this is what sparked their huge argument.

It happened as they were walking down the corridor to the bathrooms in where they had hidden the polyjuice potion.

'Okay Peter, you have got Evan's hair right?'

'Y yes, but w why d do I have t to be a g girl again James?'

'We have explained this before Pettigrew' Sirius sighed, still a little annoyed he snitched on them as it had been an amazing prank on Filch in the beginning, 'it is punishment because you told on us'

'I d didn't m mean t Sirius' he stumbled over his name 'I s said I was s sorry'

'Yes, but I am not bothered about that' he had got over him telling on them really a while back though it was annoying, for some reason he felt defensive over Remus. 'Peter you got Remus in trouble, poor Remmy hadn't had a detention till you spread your filthy lie about him'

'I I d didn't t tell a l lie…'

'I really didn't mind' Remus cut in to save poor Peter.

'Come on Sirius, we have forgiven him right, Plus Remus loved the taste for the dark side! It brought out his inner wolf!' he joked prodding Remus, but, Remus froze and paled. There was an awkward silence before James salvaged the conversation by telling Peter 'We had decided you to be the girl before you ratted on us anyway, because you are the most like a girl' which was rewarded by a snicker from Remus and Sirius.

When they got to the potion Sirius positioned himself on his ledge, James on the sink with Peter shadowing and Remus went to check the potion. Sirius pretended he was doing spells silently with his wand until Remus returned from the cubicle only to announce 'there is something wrong with the potion'

'What?' James said, standing up to look at the failed potion.

'It shouldn't be that colour, sorry guys; it was fine a few days ago. I don't know what went wrong'

'It's okay Remus, you tried your best, and it was a hard potion to make as you said anyway. Who checked on it last?'

'I t think it w was S S Sirius' Peter answered. Sirius didn't move, he hadn't looked over before when something was wrong. He knew he had messed up the potion. Last night he was meant to turn three times anti clock ways and then four times clock way. However, he had been particularly distracted, as he had just had to leave a game of wizarding chess which he was losing behind to check the damn potion. He began to stir the potion but suddenly realised he had stirred it 3 times clockwise. He quickly turned the potion three ways anti clockwise in a hope to counter act it and then added the extra clock way turn at the end hoping it was okay. But, since it looked funny last night he was praying for a miracle really.

'Did you Sirius?' Remus asked.

'Oh yeah I did, it was fine' he lied through his teeth.

' I was on polyjuice potion duty the night before and it was completely okay' James contributed 'it happened last night if something went wrong, Sirius'

'Maybe I got the measurements a fraction off at the beginning' Remus suggested

'Or maybe Sirius, ruined the potion' James growled.

'I didn't, anyway do we care, I mean your plan was never going to work anyway Potter' Sirius said, acting cool and uncaring 'I mean Peter as a girl was never going to fool anyone'

James was growing angrier 'Black admit it, you ruined the potion'.

'No, maybe it was Peter'

'We didn't allow Peter near it, because he would crap it up like you did!'

'It wasn't me'

'Yes it was!'

'Potter piss off'

'No, admit it Sirius, just this once admit you fucked it up, that you are not an amazing Black. Because you are not, you are an annoying prick who doesn't deserve any friends!'

At this Sirius, jumped down and strode off muttering he was going to the Halloween banquet before the rest of them could ruin his night.

That night, Sirius returned to the dorm hungry as he hadn't dared go to the banquet in case he others turned up. It was rather late when he returned, passed curfew –even on Halloween- and he was lucky he hadn't been caught. Lucky: that is what he had thought he was until he came to Hogwarts. Along with being privileged and the best, yet it was beginning to dawn on him, he really wasn't. Remus was the best at everything, James the best friend and peter was well Peter and he liked him enough. He wasn't wanted by anyone else but them and now he felt a fool for being an arse and incredibly hungry.

Once he had got passed the Fat lady, who had moaned at him continuously for waking her up, and stumbled up the stairs he really did feel like an awful person. He actually felt like apologising, something he had never done before. He looked at the beds, Peter's first but, he decided he didn't care about him enough and shrugged it off. He then contemplated James, but, felt too embarrassed, he was the one he had fell out the most. He then noticed Remus in his bed, he looked ever so peaceful. He knew Remus had caught him staring a few times, but, he had never really looked.

Here he was, pale, not like Sirius' complexion of deathly pale, in Sirius' eyes he looked like rose petals in milk. The starlight only danced on his skin and it made him seem almost another worldly creature. His hair, long and dark honey blonde splayed out in a mane on his pillow. His mouth gaped gently and his eyelashes brushed his cheeks. His features were not as obviously handsome as Sirius knew his were seen as, nor where they boyishly good looking as he knew James were considered. However, he seemed beautiful, caught somewhere between boy and man with a soft thin mouth, long delicate nose and slanted eyes with high cheek bones. Sirius gave himself a little shake, pondering over his odd behaviour for a few seconds, blamed it on the lack of food, and then decided to apologise.


	5. Chapter 5

Remus could sense him standing, there, at the food of his bed. He willed his body not to blush at the intrusion of Sirius' act. He could then feel Sirius move and before he managed to wake Remus up he saved him the trouble by groggily, croaking 'Sirius'.

He opened his eyes to see a pair of grey stare back. He jumped back a little startled at the proximity of Sirius. But, he should have known; Sirius always had been a little weird. He rubbed his eyes to see him better and give his brain time to wake up and rationalise. He noticed how Sirius' body was shaking, and asked 'Hey, what do you want what's wrong?'

'I wanted to…'

'To what?' Remus encouraged. He gave a small smile and nod but, Sirius was still struggling to say it. His mouth moved like a goldfish, his hands wrung together nervously and he kept fidgeting back and forth.

'Is it about earlier' Remus assisted 'Did you want to talk about it?'

'Well yes… Kind of… well I want to ap… well I just wanted to say… Argh…'

'You don't have to say it, you know'

'Yes I do'

'Only if you feel it is what is necessary I am fine you know, James said he was fi…' but, Sirius cut him off by Sirius blurting 'I want to!'

It seemed as much a shock and surprise to Sirius himself, who sat with his eyes wide and puzzled at his confession, as Remus felt.

'Okay then' Remus replied and pulled himself into a sitting position 'go on, apologoise'

'Erm, okay Remus Lupin I apo.. why are you laughing at me?'

'You don't have to be so formal about'

'Okay, I am sorry'

'See wasn't that hard'

'I am sorry, I am sorry for most things, I am a complete prick sometimes… don't look at me like that! Okay, most of the time. I do mean it I apologise'

'I understand'

'You do?'

'yeah'

'but… you are _so _nice all the time, even to Snivellous and Evans'

'Evans is actually nice'

'humph'

'But, no offence but I don't have it as hard as you. I mean no offence, but your life is a tad crap, I don't have to deal with that kind of stuff. I will let you in on a secret, my parents still write hugs and kisses and P.S don't forget to change your underwear and say please and thank you. So I understand if you need to vent some of it sometimes. I am here for you know, if you do need to talk to someone, yeah?'

Sirius nodded, feeling for the first time, loved in a weird way. He didn't move off the bed but held onto the comfortable silence that followed till his stomach grumbled and ruined it.

'Was that your stomach' giggled Remus 'making that awful moan?'

'Yeah'

'Go in my case', he pointed Sirius' feet 'and get out a bar of chocolate'

'How much chocolate do you have?' Sirius exclaimed

'I had more at the start of the year, but, my parents keep sending me some by owl'

'You can't let James know, he will make you share'

'I don't mind, as long as he buys me chocolate for Christmas' he laughed.

Remus took the bar of chocolate and gave Sirius half, so they both sat in the bed eating chocolate.

'I have to go next week, back home' Remus squeezed in between mouthfuls.

'Again?' Sirius questioned 'isn't this the third time, is your mum okay?'

'Yeah, sorry she is just ill. It will only be a day'

'Okay as long as you're back for history of magic'

'I am definitely back, don't worry, I'm tired now, help yourself to more chocolate, I am going to sleep. Night Sirius.'

'Night Remus'

That Sirius, lay awake in bed, slightly bewildered by the day's events. Who knew apologising would be so good. He thought to himself that he should make a mental note to do it more often, especially with Remus. Eventually he drifted off into a deep sleep dreaming about potions.

The next morning he woke up to Peter and James eating Remus' chocolate.

He swiftly pulled himself out of bed, grabbed his towel and strode across the room joyfully and casually greeted the boys 'Hey guys, sorry about yesterday' then quickly walked into the shower room. This sudden apology, from out of the blue left Peter choking on a large chunk of chocolate and James to sit with his mouth agape.

'Oh, hey guys, I forgot my tooth brush, oh and James, remember to close your mouth when eating' he smiled happily reappearing for thirty seconds then disappearing.

That morning Sirius persisted in being polite and pleasant, Enjoying casual conversation over porridge and pumpkin juice while watching owls fly in and out of the hall. That was until Snivellous walked by and spat 'hello, loony Lupin, finally found someone to take you in' out of spite due to a small argument he had just had with Lily over her crush of the _clever Remus Lupin. _For some reason, though this was a very mild and generally harmless act name calling Sirius found himself above Snape with his wand stabbing him in the chest. Luckily, James and Remus had quickly pulled him off and instead of resulting in another detention, he was deducted only a few minus points that Sirius quickly required by sitting next to Remus in class that day.

'Hey Sirius, do you mind me asking, why you tackled Snape today?' Remus asked while levitating a saucer and cup.

'Yeah it was a bit harsh mate' James added 'and Remus, how do you do that without dropping the saucer'

'I don't know, he was mean I guess' replied Sirius, struggling to even lift the cup on its own. He hated charms. He quickly shot Professor Flitwick a glare which was reciprocated quickly.

'B but it was over the t top' Peter whined.

'Yeah, Peters right' James backed 'even it was Snivellous'.

Sirius ignored them, he really didn't know why he had attacked Snape, he had been called a lot worse, heard his friends been called worse things than that before last night and said worse things than Snape had said. Yet, he found himself wanting to protect Remus, no, he needed to.

'Anyway, Sirius, why ever you did it, it was very loyal' thanked Remus.

A few days later, Remus had gone home, and Sirius was bored.

'I'm bored!' he complained.

'He's only been gone five minutes' James sighed 'he said he will be back tomorrow night'.

'But, I'm bored!' he whined further 'ergh!' he flopped onto his back. He wanted to play exploding snaps but with peter he always won, with James he always lost but with Remus, it was 50, 50.

'Hey Peter, want to play exploding snaps?' Sirius requested in a more commanding tone that anything else.

'y yeah s sure'

'Good'

After an hour of winning every game, Sirius decided he was bored. He decided to mill about the common room in hope for someone to talk to. Sometimes, girls would come up to him and talk if no boys were around. He talk to them for so long until it was too tedious to stand, and he had t avoid smiling – not too hard with the stupid girls- and scowling – much harder – but, luckily there was only 30 minutes till it was tea. There was no boys, but, a girl he vaguely knew as Hettie Fletcher, one Of Evans friends. He allowed her to babble on making sure his face stayed as bored as he felt and vacant. He then decided he might ask her to have food with him in the great hall as he realised he had been pretending to listen for 40 minutes and either he missed dining with his friends or they weren't at all. He soon found out how much a bore Hettie was and rudely excused himself without dinner, giving up on the evening entirely. He was probably just being melodramatic he thought, but, he couldn't care less. Hettie didn't seem to mind at all, in fact she giggled and turned beetroot red, so he must have been scowling.

He returned to the bedroom painfully bored, grabbed his wash stuff and pyjamas' to get ready for bed. In the shower room he felt a bit better; it felt good to be scrubbing himself clean. He didn't bother with a towel stepping out the cubicle. He allowed himself to drip dry while staring at himself in the mirror. On close inspection he thought his cheek bones more prominent and his shoulder's slightly broader. He knew he had just had a growth spurt as he had written home to tell mother he needed to come home for Christmas for new robes and he had sent back a tape measure and a request for measurements. His hair had also grown. It was no longer neat and sharp but, fell more loosely around his ears to his neck and tickled below his collar. He never tied it back or kept it smart and flat. Maybe he should give up brushing it all together, let it get matted and knotted, and when he is older enough have constant stubble. His mother would hate it, it was so _untidy, not respectable and vulgar_, and so he thought he might keep it.

He brushed out his hair looking up at the moon, in awe of how big it looked. He pulled on his Pyjama's which embarrassingly were silver and green still. He might ask Remus to enchant them to Gryffindor colours to match James'.

In his cool bed he curled his knees up to his, closing his eyes shut, pressing till the next day.

The next morning came and he felt stiff. He had lied funny on his back all night. He looked around the dorm, he could hear Peter and James gentle snoring and decided not to deserve them. That was until he stubbed his toe

'SHIT MEARLIN'S BEARD!'

'Shwat Sirius, backsh to shbed' James mumbled in his pillow.

'Hey, any one for a quick walk before breakfast?'

'w what t time is i it?

'erm, roundish six o clock'

'Shi shwill kill shyou Black, shgive me a few shminutes' James growled but got up.

In 15minutes time they were jogging around the grounds much to Peter's annoyance.

'This is good… isn't James… does Peter…some good anyway' Sirius smiled, looking back at the panting and wheezing Peter, the sight making his nose wrinkle. He actually hated, running it was horrendous, his chest hurt and he knew it could make him look disgusting, sweaty and red. The whole act was uncomfortable and not attractive, yet the small pain and activity helped take his mind off Remus. Why was he thinking about Remus, wasn't this all a little bit obsessive. He shrugged it off; anyway he was coming back tonight.

'Yeah.. it is… one more lap… then showers before… breakfast?'

'yeah'

'y.. y yes… p please' Peter wheezed before collapsing on the grass.

Okay, there was one good thing about jogging. It did this to Peter, which caused mass hysterics between James and Sirius who thought it absolutely hilarious. Peter didn't speak to them for the rest of the day until Remus returned.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6:

Remus woke up at the window in a hospital bed with madam Pomfrey fussing at his wounds and tutting away at them. She didn't like them. When he had a first arrived a few months before school had started with his dad, ready to go through a night of transformation she had cried. She had thought he was so little and lovely. Then she had cried again the next morning when his father had carried him in, broken bones and deep cuts that would scar. She wished it wasn't him, that she didn't have to do this. He really was the sweetest boy. She looked over at him; he was smiling out of the window. She followed his gaze to see three boys running by the lake. When one of them fell over he laughed and then winced immediately at the sudden flash of pain that proceeded.

'I'm okay' he mumbled at her worried expression 'really I am okay he' reassured himself a smile creeping once again over his face.

He was very happy, for the first time ever, he had friends, and they didn't know about his predicament. He watched them from out of the window, Sirius especially. He couldn't help but notice how striking Sirius was even from this distance. His hair had grown and so had he, he was James' height now and looked ever more like a decedent of the gods than before. James seemed to have an energy that filled the space, But, Sirius seemed to make space move for him. Remus couldn't take his eyes off what he was doing, but, Sirius was as ever a fascinating and peculiar boy in Remus' opinion. It was only a few more minutes till Remus could no longer see them and he closed his eyes and allowed sleep to seduce him.

He arrived back just after dinner to find Peter sulking in the common room and James and Sirius in the shower. He waited for a little while on the bed until they came out. When they did emerge, Sirius was first, and he ran over to jump onto Sirius' bed. James on the other hand smiled and announced 'thank god, your back Sirius has been a right pain'. He turned to find Sirius alarmingly close.

Xxx

Later that evening he caught Sirius staring.

'Whats wrong Sirius?'

'Want to play exploding snaps' he smiled eagerly.

Remus knew fine well why, he allowed Sirius to win at least half of the games.

Chuckling he said sure and they played three games till Remus got bored beating him and allowed him to win a few. The played until James decided they should eat some more of Remus' chocolate and also decided he needed to solve the ridge between himself and Peter, so asked him to go down to the kitchens with him.

Sirius was lying on Remus' bed, cautiously Remus leaned himself back to lie next to him.

'Hey'

'Hey you done eating all my chocolate'

'mmhmm' he moaned, he was rather sleepy. He decided to let him sleep there and crawled into bed beside him. It wasn't that weird Remus was beneath the covers and Sirius on top, or so had James decided when he walked in. Remus had given an apologetic shrug and whispered, 'he feel asleep on my bed' before closing his eyes again. James decided it was completely fine, especially since all of his friends were happy.

It was soon nearing Christmas and Sirius' happy mood eventually deteriorated. A week before Christmas, he began to get really mardy. One day he was sulking at dinner.

'Look Sirius, if you are that upset, come to my place' offered James. Sirius didn't answer but, slumped his head onto the table.

'Or m mine S S Sirius' Peter tried.

'Peter that doesn't help' James laughed patting him on the back while watching Sirius bang his head against the wood.

'I don't think it's you Peter' Remus resolved 'Sirius, I can write to my parents and ask if I could stay'.

'No, its fine, you never know Father might persuade to Mother I am not that much of a disgrace' Sirius hoped.

Remus was right, he was more worried being alone, though you would say he was popular, he never really talked with many of the other boys and the girls though they talked to him were useless. No letter came and as the days crept closer it looked like he was going to be all alone. That was until four days before Christmas.

It read,

Dear Mr Black,

Your Uncle Alphard has asked us to write to confirm your arrival on the 23rd of December at his quarters, to then spend Christmas with him.

'What are you smiling about?' James asked 'come, on Sirius were going to be late'

'I'm not stuck here for Christmas!'

'Is that good or bad?'

'Good, it's my Uncle Alphard'.

Xxx

It was Christmas day, Peter had gotten everyone a cake that his mother had baked, James had got Remus a basket full of chocolate and the same Peter and then a 'young wizards practical joke must kit' for Sirius. Remus had bought Peter new socks, James a new broom stick wax for the broom he was getting for his birthday and Sirius a new set of pyjamas. Sirius hadn't been able to go shopping or look for presents at all and had asked his Parents to send him some gifts. They were sent ready wrapped, he found out the next day that he had given Peter green bedding, Remus towels with the Black family crest on them and James Potter, since he was deemed a blood traitor dog biscuits. He had also received from his own parents another warning, as his choice of 'friends were not deemed acceptable'. Nevertheless, the few days he had with Uncle Alphard were rather pleasant; he got a new set of robes off of him and also a leather jacket that was a little too big but looked good none the less. Sirius loved it, as his Mother would hate it. He only saw his uncle at dinner on Christmas day and that had been a silent affair. But, all together the holiday had been pleasant.

Remus had loved his holiday, his Dad had questioned him about the Black boy a little however, soon everything was fine. Remus' home was on a cliffs edge in Wales. His mother had a Welsh lilt Remus didn't have himself, that instantly made him feel at ease. He was quickly cuddled and adorned with love, something he had missed. Though James allowed a manly squeeze around the shoulders, he still wanted a life clinging hug now and again. His mother had always been coddling and supported Remus through her physical affection. Plus his Father's attempt to make Remus tougher was nearly always in complete vain, it wasn't in his nature and he would end up crying. He felt completely guilt ridden and would have to stop. He never wanted to hurt his son. He worried every day for him. He looked at his son, with his long dark blonde hair, red cheeks and amber eyes and his son reminded him of fire. His son seemed so alive, ever since he had come back home. He was much taller now, normal height maybe but, he sure had spurt up. He also looked happier and independent. Compared to the last time he had saw him, he talked to everyone who passed with quiet ease and when asked if he made friends he shrugged happily. His son was growing up to be all he could hope. On returning to Hogwarts his dad gave him a watch.

'Remus'

'Yeah Dad'

'I've got something for you'

'Not another necklace he joked'

'No', he chuckled 'this watch'

'Dad you needn't!'

'It's not expensive or anything but, it was my grandfathers, so it is worth something in the family'

'You needn't have dad' he began but he was stopped.

'Remus, it is my honour. I love you so much'

'I know you too, bye dad, say bye to mum'

'I will good bye Remus' and with that he boarded the train.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7:

'My parents got me the broom early; it's such a classic, fastest there has ever been. I can't even imagine a faster one; I doubt there will ever be a faster broom than the Nimbus 1001, do you think Peter?' James bragged, stroking the handle of his new broom.

Peter smiled timidly 'I I l like it J James, b but I like m my Cleansweep'

'Of course you would' James grumbled flopping on his bed. He was bored stiff. He had been given this amazing broom for Christmas and no one was bothered. Peter had tried but, he knew nothing about brooms and couldn't see how the Nimbus had combined the agility of a cleansweep with the reliability and control of the comets. Remus had come in, acknowledged his new "toy" as he put it and then left to go and return some books he had that were overdue. The only person who would be bothered, would be Sirius, he would care. However, he must be cursed as Sirius was meant to have arrived on today's train yet he hadn't. He and Sirius had shared a common interest over brooms, ever since the first flying lesson.

Xxx

'I've been flying since I was tiny, my dad got his friend to teach me' James bragged holding onto the outdated Shooting Star model.

Sirius was glaring at his broom 'I have a broom at home, but, I only ever flew a little since we lived in the city. Nevertheless, I even have better a better broom than this' he moaned.

'That's because, the school don't want us going too fast on them and the Shooting Star was the cheapest model around. I think they should get a Comet because they have the best reliability, great breaks and also are very easy to handle. We have a few newer models from Comet at home, I learnt to fly on them for their safety' James explained 'A Cleansweep is faster, is that what you have?'

'Yeah, but it is a recent one, I got it for my 10th birthday, so it's not that old'

'Cool I want a Nimbus, they're the best, all my sons are having Nimbus', hell even my girls… okay no, they can have a good Comet, maybe a Cleansweep if they are talented'

'Potter, you are such an obnoxious sexist prat!' Lily Evan's voice hollered. James rolled his eyes and Sirius sniggered.

'What now Evans!' James moaned in fake exasperation. Sirius knew otherwise, secretly James liked this girl. Even if at this moment she was nothing more than an annoyance and bottle stop to all of his mischievous plans, she was something different to all the other giggling girls that hung around the edges of the common room whispering about the two 'sexy' potter and black boys. In fact she didn't have a school girl crush on them; rather she hated them, James especially. He face was red and flushed to match her fire red hair. Her eyes sparkled, reflecting the fresh spring grass and her face was stilled spotted with the summer's freckles.

'You, Potter, it's you I have something wrong with. Not only are you a bully, you are sexist'

'Lilly, you misinterpreted it! I meant if I had a little girl I wouldn't let her get hurt by some nasty bludger'

'Yes sexist Potter, anyway, girls can do anything boys can- and better!

'I'm better than you'

'No you're not!'

'Yes I am at transfigurations'

'Not at Potions though!'

'Remus is better than you, aren't you Remus' but, Remus only shrugged and turned to look at a tree.

'I'm better than you though! That's the point'

'Not at flying though Evans' he smiled too sweetly.

'How do you know, you haven't seen me fly!'

'Ahh, but, Evans I have been flying since I was a toddler. Of course I am going to be better' James finished the conversation.

Meanwhile, Sirius, Remus and Peter had tried to uphold their general conversation. Sirius and Remus were only newly friends, still not on talking terms. It was before the apology of Halloween, but after the initial few weeks. Therefore, Sirius was desperate to make friends with Remus.

'So Remus, do you own a broom?' Sirius extended the conversation; dangling –what he thought to be perfect, as who doesn't love brooms and Quiditch – bait and hoping Sirius would join in to talk.

'Erm, yeah, but it is really old. It was my Dad's when he was in school'

'S So c can y you f fly?'

'Yeah, to some extent, I never really tried' Remus thought for a moment 'my Dad taught me once but, I didn't really enjoy it and he was never good at flying so he didn't mind to much. We stuck to charms and potions after that'

'Oh, right, okay then…' Sirius tried. He didn't know what to say next. Remus seemed to have this talent of taking away any of the charm and charisma a Black should have and leave Sirius without a strand of conversation left. He looked over at Remus who was staring intently at broom while tucking his hair behind his ear. He was murmuring something, probably a book he read on flying beforehand. He looked happy and content with the lulled conversation, so Sirius shrugged and left it be.

In fact, it was completely the opposite, Remus was cursing himself inside. Why couldn't he have pretended he like brooms and flying, then he wouldn't have seen Sirius face fall and be upset. He had enough sorrow in his life. Why couldn't he just talk and feel happy about it. A conversation without brooms wasn't going to let them know he was a werewolf? Luckily, his thoughts were solved by the lesson staring. As James had said he was an excellent broom rider and Sirius to James' surprise was better than he had let on. Remus as he was in most lessons regularly consistent. He picked up the skill fairly well and did what was needed but, Sirius could tell he was uncomfortable up in the air. Peter was okay, but, couldn't get the broom to fly smoothly and often his flying left to him dangling upside down.

Xxx

'Peter! Why isn't Sirius here?' James moaned again flopping down onto his bed, his broom aside him

'I d don't know J J James' Peter tried.

'Argh all I want to do is to show someone who would understand my new broom!' he cried petulantly throwing his arm over his eyes.

'Show me then' Sirius' voice drifted over.

James looked up. He was standing in the door way. He wasn't wearing his uniform, instead some clothes that were far too outlandish and expensive for their age. Remus stood behind him and laughed as James immediately screamed 'What are you wearing?'

'Clothes James, some people care about how they look' Sirius said, posing on his bed which James laughed at.

'I think he looks good' Remus added.

'Anyway James, Remus here tells me you have a broom to show me?'

'Yes! Look at my Nimbus, isn't she a beauty'

'Wow, yes, Merlin that's a wizard of a broom, you got it early?'

'Yeah'

'What are you getting for your birthday?'

'Don't know haven't asked for anything? Any idea's, what are you asking for you birthday?'

'It's already been' Sirius said casually, stroking James' broom.

'What!' all three shouted in chorus. Sirius just shrugged.

'When was it?' Remus asked, going to hug him until he realised Sirius had tensed up.

'November'

'W what d did you g get?'

'Nothing'

'Nothing!' James shouted 'Why didn't you tell us?'

'I don't know' Sirius said defensively, then suddenly stood up and walked off.

'What's wrong with him' James voiced. He couldn't understand why someone would be upset with them when they are being nice, not the people who are mean to them. But, Remus understood. Sirius was upset about it. Though he wouldn't show it, Sirius was really upset about this. No matter how much he hated his parents and family, it would be hard not to care if your own Mother and father hated you and ignored you.

Remus left the room soon afterwards in attempt to find him, however, he was suddenly caught up with Lily Evans.


	8. Chapter 8

Lily and Remus, spoke now and again, they weren't really friends but, he could tell Lily wanted to be.

Today, he saw Lily outside the fat lady crying.

'Lily what's wrong?'

'Remus' she cried flinging herself into his arms. Remus had really had a growth spurt as Lily was now a good head shorter than him, when before she had been taller.

'hey, sshh, it's okay, you can tell me about it if you like?'

She sniffled into his jumper 'S Severus was s so mean'

'What did he do?'

'He… He said he couldn't be friends with me'

'Why?'

'I don't know'

'What had you said before that?'

'I I don't know' she wailed crying into his chest for a bit.

Remus carried on the 'shh' until she piped up 'It's because I said no'

'No to what?'

'He asked me to be his girlfriend'. Remus couldn't help but laugh. 'Remus it's not funny'

'He'll get over it Lily'

'You sure?'

'yeah'

'It was awful, why did he ask me out?' she asked, her crying calming, she was more hugging Remus now.

'I don't know… because you are a girl and you're very pretty… plus Lily you are different from those other girls. You're not stupid, I think you're special and I think Snape has noticed that.'

'Thank you Remus, I hope I haven't ruined your evening' she said clinging on tightly. Remus, though thought this was completely selfish decided to stay and enjoy it as he was getting the physical contact he craved. He had constantly been cuddled and held by both his parents, ever since the bite.

xxx

'Remus, oh god Remus, my poor baby, my poor baby' his mother sobbed into his little mangled body. All she wanted was to hold him, but, looking over at his mangled body she knew she couldn't. She didn't dare hold his hand. He didn't have a face, it was bruised and concaved in the wrong places, there was blood pouring out everywhere, his precious blood spilling out of his little body. He was only five! What little body he already had wasn't all there. Ugly gashes crawled across his body, chunks missing, bite marks slashing his skin. She sobbed by his body. His hair was matted, drying in the blood; his honey blonde locks were no longer blonde but the colour of his wounds, gradually getting darker. She couldn't hold him, what came naturally as a Mother, she couldn't do. She was helpless. She then suddenly realising she hadn't been sobbing, in fact screaming. 'LYALL! LYALL! LYALL!'

He could hear her desperate screams his wife behind him. He was thinking, thinking, he needed a moment. A moment to think… MUNGO's. He looked at his baby boy, grabbed him, ignoring his wifes pleas not to and raced down stairs to the fire place. He could hear his wife scrambling behind him.

He stood in their fire place and when looking at his wife's eyes, telling him don't leave with my son, please don't leave, he could only whisper 'Sorry' before throwing down the floo Powder and screaming 'MUNGO's Bite ward'.

He fell into the sharp glare of the hospital; 'HElP' 'HELP' he shouted, but, it wasn't necessary, a young male quickly swooped in with a floating bed and told 'Mr. Lupin, if you would put your son on the bed'.

They whizzed him to the operation room, nurses already staring at the potions deciding what could be used on the boy. But, they weren't prepared. They looked at the boy in pure horror trying not to cry.

They began by cutting off the shreds of clothes, leaving a small strip around his midriff in an act of decency. They told Mr Lupin they were to shave of his hair, to see the extent of injury. He didn't hear, just nodded staring at his son, who's eyes were rolling back into his head. One of the nurses had guided Lyall's hands to clamps his son's legs onto the bed. 'Hold him…' She said 'you will need too… it will hurt… the potion… sears the wounds together… burns away the poison… but he will still be werewolf…. Less scarring'. He couldn't hear her 'What, what did you say?'

Suddenly, he could hear, his son's screams pierced through the silent shock. Remus' body was writhing about the bed, his arms and legs attempting to jerk about the place but, some male nurses and himself were holding him back.

'Remus, it's okay, it's okay!' he shouted rather than soothed 'He will be okay, right? He is okay?'

No one answered, maybe they did, and he couldn't here. All he could here was the constant wringing sounds of his son's pleas and screams of pain.

'DAD MAKE IT STOP! MAKE IT STOP! MAKE THEM STO… ARGHHH DAD HELP, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO HEELLLP! DAAAAD AHHHH DAD, PLEASE DON'T DAD DON'T DO THIS TO ME!

He wanted to die here, put all the pain to a stop and he could feel his body crumpling to the floor…

The next thing he was awake and a young medi-witch was in front of him.

'Mr Lupin, hi there, we suggest you don't watch the rest of this'

'I've got be there... I v'e got to know, I have to protect…'

'Him? I know, but Mr. Lupin he is alive, he will live, no doubt about it'

'thank Merlin'

'Now we have some forms to fill in…'

'What forms?'

'Just procedure after an event like this'

'What do you mean exactly?'

'Well, just about the certain issues of the decision you have made?'

'what decision what decision have I made'

'Maybe we should wait outside, not upset your son?'

'Is he awake?'

'no but this could and we need him asleep otherwise he will feel the pain of the stripping'

'Stripping?'

'just checking for black magic diseases, don't worry, but, we do need you to sign our insurance policy for our healers'

'What, your healers?'

'in case of an accident with your son and the healers here at Mungos'

'What accident, what are you saying, what could happen?'

'Well, anything's the possibility isn't it really?'

'Are you saying my son is a danger? Look at him, go look at him. He is five! What could he do!'

'Please do not shout and I would like to remind you, your son is a werewolf now, and this is procedure so if you please…'

But, Lyall had already stormed off to the floo network.

'YOU HAVE TO SIGN THE FORMS FOR SAFETY…' she screeched after him, but had already blazed out of sight and back to his wife…

'Hope!' he called 'HOPE!'

'I'm right here Lyall' she almost snarled from the arm chair 'I don't care what; I want to know, is he alive?' she was so very angry with how she had been left behind, she was his mother!

'Yes'

'Good, can I see him?'

'No, but you are coming with me'

'But, I am not aloud…'

'our son could be dead you are coming'

She had been through floo before, but, never to Mungos. She was shocked to find her husband seized when she arrived. 'Lyall!'

'It's okay, find Remus!'

She ran through the crowds of people, to the wards, following her heart and running on adrenaline till she suddenly found her son. She stood agape her mouth open, she was absolutely horrified. There stood a man with his wand pointing at her boy, who only had half of his skin on his body.

'It looks horrible doesn't it?' the wizard said 'I assure you it's fine, looks worse than it is really, you see with magic we can do a lot more, it doesn't hurt him at all. I am nearly done, thirty seconds till he looks decent?' he carried on.

'I...' she began.

'You can stay, I will be done shortly, he's a brave boy'

'he has never been before'

'well he is now' he replied 'I am healer Greene, by the way, Mrs Hope Lupin?'

'Yes, you're not going to…'

'report you no, it's fine, we don't do it often, maybe one day we will change the rules' he comforted, 'there' and with a last swish of his wand he said 'I am done and I will leave you in peace'

'Wait, Doctor Greene. I mean Healer'

'Yes'

'Can I ask you a few questions?'

'yes, he is a werewolf now, but, only for a day out of a month, he is still you're son, will be the same apart from fatigue and pain. We don't have many werewolves' we have saved...'

'Saved?'

'Most owners have them put down.'

'Owners? How dare you…'

'Sorry Mrs Lupin, I didn't mean to offend you, it's better to think of them as owners rather than parents killing your children you see, a distinction if you will, a term we use for parents of werewolf attacked children as that is what happens generally'

'That is allowed?'

'yes, but you won't'

'I can't see how they can, they are still their baby, he is my baby'

'I can't…' he added sadly looking at the boy, she followed his gaze. He didn't quite look like her son, the parts that didn't have bandages on were awful. His eyes bruised and dipped inkwells of black, what skin on show was inflamed and red, apart from the sickly green of his face and his lovely hair had been shaved off. He didn't look like her Remus yet, but, she would have him back eventually.

It had been a few hours when Lyall returned.

'they made me sign a form to say I will take matters into our hands and they the ministry if he attacks a healer, look at him he wouldn't' he sighed in defeat looking at his wife.

'Parents kill their children when this happens' Hope spoke in a distant and drained voice staring at her son's eye lids.

At this Lyall began to sob, 'I can't hope, I can't…'

Hope snapped out of her daze to put an arm around her husband and whisper into his hair, 'what Lyall, what can't you do?'

'Protect him, I don't know how…' his voice croaked

'We will' she resolved.


	9. Chapter 9

Chap 9

Sirius, had returned later that night, to see Remus hugging that Evans girl. They were hugging and laughing. He quickly slid into an alcove to try and listen, hoping he could hear something amusing, but, to his surprise he heard something that for some reason made him feel funny inside: 'you're very pretty… plus Lily you are different from those other girls. You're not stupid, I think you're special'. For some reason, Sirius felt hurt, betrayed even, why wasn't he saying those things to him? What makes her so special? Sirius felt completely betrayed. He resolved to ignore it, but, being Sirius that often never worked.

'Thank you Remus for caring about me!' he sneered.

'What, Sirius, wait, I'm sorry, but, Lily was…' Remus bolted upright, nearly knocking Lily over in alarm.

'I heard Remus! Everyone heard, and you sounded utterly pathetic and slimy as Snivellous' he jeered.

'Gods Sirius you are such a bully, Remus was only trying to be nice, unlike you' Lily glared.

'Bog off Evans!'

'Sirius, come on, let's go to the dorm' Remus reasoned, aware of people staring.

'No, let us not, Remus I thought you were my friend!'

'I am!' he exclaimed.

'No you're hers, and more', Lily blushed and failed to see Remus' horrified expression.

'Sirius, you have got this wrong!' he said, chasing Sirius, who had now decided to march up to the dorms.

'I was hurt tonight Remus, I knew you knew, James wouldn't and Peter's pathetic, but you knew and neglected it all, in order to get in with stupid Evans!' he spat.

'I didn't… she was upset' Remus tried.

'I was upset!' he shouted, not understanding _why _Evans being upset was more important, he was best friends with Remus, not her! He cared more about Remus than she did and Remus should care more about him than Evans!

'I'm sorry!' he begged feeling ultimately guilty.

'Apologies mean nothing!' Sirius snapped, he could feel tears prickle and willed them to freeze.

'Sirius' Remus spoke softly, as soft as he could as he could see Sirius' eyes water ever so slightly.

'Fuck off!' He spoke as best he could, using perfect pronunciation using the worst word he could think off, he could see Evans timid whimper as she whipped back around the corner to the safety of her dorm, because Sirius scared her. He was dark and mysterious, malicious and dangerous, and she couldn't see why this made him attractive. She also couldn't see why he and Sirius were friends.

'What!' Remus was shocked and the blunt warning stung a little.

'I said Fuck off!' He raised his voice, no longer being witty and malicious, and his pure anger and upset outpoured.

'I heard, but, Sirius' Remus pleaded in an attempt to reason with Sirius.

'I said Fuck off!' he screeched, trying to stay cold in his voice, mask his hurt.

'You don't mean it!'

'I do, so fuck off Remus, because I am so hurt, and so lonely and no one loves me, I am all alone and that's how it is meant to be!' he screamed his voice cracking with the hurt and desperation he felt.

'Sirius, you're not alone, no matter how much I hurt you or you hurt me, I am never leaving'

'Remus, I am so lonely, so lonely' he repeated hitting himself in the stomach and on his forhead. He eventually curled up into a ball, almost in defeat.

'I know shhh it is okay, it is okay' he tried to soothe and reached out to pack Sirius back, surprised when he didn't flinch'

'I want to be loved…' he cried, hugging his knees staring at the wall as if he saw a ghost.

'I know, it's okay Sirius' Remus tried to remain calm, but, Sirius' vulnerability frightened him.

'Will you hug me?' Sirius, tiny, sore voice asked.

'Oh, okay sure' Remus finally managed to stutter, Sirius, wanted a hug, he hated physical contact. Did he finally need this, a physical representation of love, or was it pure jealousy, would he ask the same of James and Peter if they were in a similar position.

'Please, I want to pretend I am loved' he cried again, begging Remus, he needed this he resolved.

At that Remus shifted over to put his arms around Sirius, he tensed and began to shake a bit. Remus bit his lip and pulled away concerned but, was stopped by Sirius pulling him closer, 'no, don't I need it, I need it'.

This had broken a barrier; Sirius Black had never done hugs, even before his Hogwarts time. He had never really got on well with his generally cold and unloving parents.

He had only ever spoken to his parents during meals and occasionally if his Mother had taken him out of the house, to shop or something. Sometimes his father would lecture him in the study. Never had there been any physical contact. All of a sudden, like the apologies, Sirius realised, he liked hugs. The first thing he did when he felt better was hug James, then hug Remus again. Then Peter hugged him, and after initially pushing him off realised he didn't mind even Peter.

The weeks went on. Remus leaving nearly every four until they soon realised it was nearly the end of the year.

'g guys it is n nearly end of t this y year' Peter stuttered.

'yeah it is' James muttered

'Check out Peter being perceptive' Sirius cajoled. Which led to a back handed hit from Remus.

They were sat under a tree together.

'How many weeks is it?' James asked

'Four' Remus replied, his head lulling on the tree bark.

'erggh' Sirius moaned

'I know I want to stay here forever' agreed Remus.

'But, I have to stand my… mother' he wrinkled his nose in disgust.

'Poor Sirius, getting the sunffles' James teased lightly 'Hey, look who it is- Snivellous'

'Snivellous, what should we do this time? Exploding warts?' Sirius suggested giddily.

'A swarm of dung beetles?' James pondered

'Pink eyebrows and orange hair?' Sirius suggested.

'Permanently on fire eyebrows, safe fire Remus it won't hurt him' James added after getting a glare.

'T t toilet p paper enchanted t that f flies at h him whenever n near e e enough' Peter tried.

'Good Peter but, not enough time' James thanked

'What about writing 'Fat arse' on his bum in permanent ink?' Sirius said, as if he was a genius.

'I have my pen, wait no I don't… where is it… oh I lent it to Remus'

'Remus?' Sirius asked sweetly, batting his eyelashes 'Please'

'I don't see why you have to torment him'

'Because, Remus it is funny. Now, hand over the pen!'

'Fine'

James sat studiously over a piece of parchment. His tongue stook out of his mouth and his left hand kept mussing up his hair in concentration.

'Cauldron bottoms…' he moaned, as the ink splodged again. Permanent ink was a nightmare to write with, completely messy and if you got it on your hands you had to go to a teacher to get it off. James couldn't do that otherwise his plan wold be ruined, therefore, he was wearing his gloves while writing.

'Why don't you take your gloves off, if you get ink on your hands, just say you were writing your name in your books? '

'Like she would believe me, I am not you Remus' James grumbled as the pen slipped from his hand once more 'Remus why don't you do it, you have neater writing than me anyway?'

'I said before I am not being a part of this' Remus chided sternly sitting down next to Sirius on the sofa.

'Remus, it's really being mean this time, more of a… prank' Sirius smiled resting his head on Remus' shoulder and realising his long honey hair was getting into his nostrils so he snorted it out then carried on 'and Remus, you are the best prankster I know'

'I guess it is better than your normal hexing anyone who gets in your way'

'It is, it shows I am growing up, you are moulding me, Mr Sirius Black into a nice little boy' which Sirius was happy to see got a chuckle which meant he was likely to say yes. Sirius gave another look into Remus' deep green eyes and smiled.

'Sirius, don't do puppy eyes… please I really can't… what if we get detention'

'I will do the eyes if I won't, you can and we won't get detention'

'Fine…'

xxx

It was a marvellous plan. Remus had the neatest writing out of all of them. He wrote in big clear block letters 'SlUGHORN LIKES MY FAT ARSE'. They had resolved it was too near the evening to do it today, as their full benefit wouldn't be achieved. The next morning, Sirius had pretended to go over and ask his cousin Narcissa for a favour and then would slip the parchment on the seat before Snape sat down. Narcissa and Snape seemed to be friends, but, then "Cissy" had always had bad taste in men. For example, choosing a Malfoy to marry, a weird man, Sirius mother never approved.

'Cissy?'

'What Sirius!'

'I was wondering…'

'Well, aren't you polite now!'

'Pardon Cissy…'

'You used to be so cruel, ruthless and mean, even as a brat of a boy, I never liked you. Where is your bravery of Gryffindor now?'

'Cissy, I just wanted to ask…'

'No Sirius, I am not allowed to talk to you, Aunt Walburga sent me a letter explaining not to'

'Stupid Malfoy loving freak' he grumbled as he was walking off.

'What was that Sirius?' she sneered 'even after I change my surname, I will be more of a Black than you, you little brat. Now I must dash and wash my hands before potions' and with that she lightly skipped out of the great hall.

Sirius suddenly had an idea, 'Guys, change of plan' he snapped before running out of the hall and down the dungeons where he placed the note where he hoped Nacissa would sit. Right at the back in the corner, where she could gossip and chat the whole way through. In an hours' time the four boys heard a horrendous scream 'SIRIUS BLACK!' It was Narcissa's wailing and screeching voice. They could hear the clicking racket of her heals nearing as she raced down the corridor to the nurses ward where the boys were nearing. The boys looked behind them in horror, Remus and Sirius who was to the left, ran through the armoury corridor that led to the astronomy tower and also McGonagall's quarters and James and Peter who were closer to the right split of and ran to where they would be caught by Filch.

Peter and James were told of for loitering around where Filch was and he still hadn't gotten over the series of pranks they had pulled on them. This ended up with Remus and Peter having to help Filch file his incidents cabinet- with no magic.

Remus and Sirius were bracing themselves against a pillar, regaining their breath when mcgonnagol found them.

'Ahh Lupin, Black, you two are whom I have been looking for, my office now!'

'Crap' grumbled Sirius as he shuffled behind her billowing robes.

'I know Mr Black exactly my thoughts'

…

'Remus, I am surprised at your behaviour, ahh ahh don't speak, this is you're writing on this note Narcissa couldn't get of her behind' she chastised, her nose crinkling in dismay. 'I have to say I am deeply disappointed with this behaviour, you have been given a very special opportunity Remus, I don't want you wasting it, don't look like that Remus' she tried to calm him, seeing his obvious panic when she had alluded to his predicament. She always forgot how young this boy was.

'Remus, all I am saying is, I am on your side, however, a lot of other people will judge due to who you are at full moon and well, use anything you have done against you. I would hate to see you be labelled something you are not. And though, I know, Mr Potter and Mr Black are nice boys too, and are your friends, you must understand they have it easier than you, Remus! Let me finish, please, I know you are going to defend the Black boy, yes he has been put into Gryffindor and despite his family alliance, he still carries the Black name and the Black title and everything that comes with it, as will Potter. Life is ultimately easier for them. I am just trying to protect you, that is all. Now, you can fetch the Mr Black in' she sighed 'and we will get the punishment over and done with, I can't spare you this time Remus, mind, I have done the last few times, it may be rather suspicious, but, I will put you and Black together so you have some company.'

Remus smiled at this 'don't look to happy Mr. Lupin or I may change my mind, go on, get Sirius in here, then we can all get Lunch'

She felt sorry for the poor boy, she knew he was going to have a tough life outside of Hogwarts and it was such a shame due to how bright he was. She couldn't see how it was fair; she had often tried to go out of her way to make it a little easier on the boy, excusing late homework if there had been a moon at minimum. Generally she was more lenient, she allowed him to talk a little in class, get away with more of the silly little pranks his friends pulled, she subconsciously deducted less house points, nearly always finding an excuse to why. She would give him a better detentions, no dungeons, Filch or the forest, though she doubted the forest would scare him, the creatures in there would be more scared of him. For some reason, and she knew it was completely unprofessional to do so, favoured him and protected him, it was all she could do while he was at Hogwarts.


	10. Chapter 10

Remus snuggled into his Mum's hug. 'Mum I am so glad to back home!'

'It wasn't nice there? You don't have to go back, you can stop here with me and I will teach you how to bake again, you don't have to be a wizard, you could be a measly old muggle like me, who bakes loads.'

'Mmm, sounds good, but, I am good at being a wizard' he said geefully.

'You were good at baking' she smiled, stroking his hair.

'Mhmm, I miss my friends' he sighed, snuggling in tighter. His sniffed a little, a habit his Mum had grown accustomed to after the bite. She smelled of soap, lamb casserole and bread.

'You can invite them over if you like'

'I can try but I don't think any of them are free'

Xxx

'Sirius, up to your room now!' screeched Walburga Black!

He solemnly stomped up the stairs to his bedroom. He looked at all the green, black and silver décor and gave an involuntary shudder. He had been repeatedly hit by his mother due to his hair, his smile and also for wearing red and gold. Also, they had heard about the little prank on Cissy and he was in trouble. He groaned and hit his head against the post of his bed. His cases were in the middle of the floor. He pulled out his old Pjamama's. They used to be silver and green with the black family crest on them, now they were in gaudy yellow and red stripes as neither Remus nor James could figure out how to enchant them to gold, and the black family crest now read: 'Toujours pur et toujours Gryffondor' meaning 'always pure and always Gryffindor'. It also presented the skull with love hearts as eyes and James had managed to enchant the black birds to be glowing flabber worms and blue Cornish pixies. Sirius thought it was amazing. He also pulled out the chocolate supply Remus had given to him. He crawled under his bed and pulled up a floor board and put the chocolate in there. He then began putting his clothes away, his new ones from Uncle Alphard next to his old stuffy robes. At the bottom of his case Remus, James and Peter had made him some Gryffindor banners or Remus had asked McGonagall for some and they had given him them as a token Birthday gift. He stared at them, he needed to go to Zonko's and buy everlasting glue in order to put them up, and if his parents ever came into his room he would be beaten to a pulp for it.

He already missed his friends, he wouldn't be able to send them letters, James would he had an owl, he was sure Remus would procure one and he wouldn't even mind a letter from Peter, but, if he wanted to send one he wouldn't be able to as he would have to ask permission for the family owl.

Xxx

Meanwhile, Remus' family had arrived. Both sides, which meant there was a no magic policy for the day.

'Why mum' Remus groaned.

'Because we missed your birthday Remus and the family want to see how tall you have grown' she tutted.

Remus hated visiting the family or worse, the family coming to visit. The wizarding side was fine, most of them didn't turn up due to him being a werewolf and those that did, generally were more fun. They sometimes struggled with muggle concepts; such as this one time his great aunt Elladora attacked the blender believing it to be eating poor Hope. His mother's side were a lot more boring. They would tell him to keep his levels up and grades and aspire to attend university. They would tut at his hair, telling his Mother he looks like 'one of those hippies and how long it was, it makes you think he was a girl'. Hope just smiled, patted his head and told her relatives how 'Remus chose it, it's his life'.

Today was no different, he got some presents due to them missing his Birthday. They weren't a patch on his friends, Sirius had paid a third year, Frank Longbottom who he distantly knew through his family to buy Remus an assortment box of chocolate frogs and a book on the 'History of Wizarding Chocolate Manufacturers', which he thought was really thoughtful. Peter had bought Remus a new quill and ink set and asked his grandmother to bake a chocolate and ginger cake which was sent through by owl that morning. Then James had bought Remus an 'intermediate wizard's portable potion set' which everyone thought was great. At that thought, he thought he might sneak upstairs and practice a few simple potions to pass the time till the family left. However, as he was sneaking upstairs he heard the shrill voice of his Aunt Penny. 'Remy roo roo, where are you' she sung. He shuddered; she was going to plaster him with wet, sticky kisses. His aunt wore way too much make up, jewellery and clothes. Today was no exception, she had on sickly pale, pink glossy lips and a copious amount of dark, oily foundation plastered to her skin. She had thick lines of black around her eyes and sky blue eye shadow up to her eyebrows. Her cheek bones were bright pink and shimmering. Remus thought she looked like a clown, a scary one. Her boyfriend, stood at the doorway in a lime green checked blazer, an orange open collared shirt and a pair of chocolate brown flares, Remus had to admit he was jealous of. Aunt Penny had dressed in accordance wearing an inappropriately low cut and slightly too small brown dress with mustard yellow platform boots. She had on thick green earrings, bracelets and a necklace that bashed into Remus' face with every kiss.

'Hey Aunt Penny'

'My god Remy roo roo haven't you grown!' she explained kissing him again 'last time I saw you, you were up to here' she bounced pointing to her breasts. Remus wrinkled his nose; his Aunt was only being affectionate.

'… And I'm a tiny, aren't I Barry, Barry, oh Remy, meet Barry, Barry come over here' she beckoned her bangles gangling noisily 'this is Barry, Remy, ooh you will like him, you will' she giggled.

'How'd you do' the man croaked in a thick Yorkshire accent.

She winked at him and squeezed Remus then staged whispered 'He's my new beau, hunky huh?'

'Huh' he agreed with his Aunt and inwardly swore.

His aunt persisted, 'This is Remy roo roo, ooh silly me! We don't want to introduce you with my pet name, not when you are a big and handsome boy like you are' she smiled affectionately and pinched his cheeks.

'This is my only nephew Remus' she introduced, playing with his hair now.

'Remus? Odd name' he commented disinterested.

'Well that's what I said when I heard what Hope was naming him! And I am as liberal as they come these days, aren't I hun' she asked, Remus wasn't sure whether it was directed at Barry or himself. 'Anyway, all of Lyall's side have odd names don't they? Like well, Elladora and Belvina, ooh and Anostagia, never mind your uncle whatshisname… Morrigon! I mean, Morrigon, what an odd name!' She babbled away.

'Aunt' he interrupted 'I better go and say hello to some other folks'

'Oh okay, Remy roo roo, be right back though hun, yeah?'

'Yeah sure' he answered dutifully.

Xxx

Sirius sat on his now bright red bed spread, in his pjamama's in the middle of the afternoon, eating some of Remus' chocolate wondering what his friends were doing. This was going to be a long summer. He sighed and fell back onto his bed.

'Master Sirius…' Kreachers gravelly voice crackled in his ear as he squinted at the room and Sirus 'you are wanted for your meal' he said before giving the room one last look and slithering away out of his room.

Two minutes later his Mother's voice could be heard throughout the house, until she bounded into Sirius room, crashing the door down with a powerful bang from her wand. She stood, dark eyes ablaze pointing her wand at her son 'YOU FILTHY, TRAITOROUS FOOL! TAINTING THIS HOUSE WITH THAT SCUM!' she screeched flicking her wand at the bedding so it turned to black. 'YOU ARE A DISPIONTMENT TO THIS HOUSE! A DISAPIONTMENT TO ME! I CAN NOT BARE TO HAVE YOU AS A SON, IT IS TOO HARD FOR A MOTHER TO FACE THIS!' and with that she whipped away, her black robes swinging with her out of Sirius' sight. This was going to be a long summer.


	11. Chapter 11

_**Hey, quick note, I have written this chapter in epistolary form, if anyone struggles to understand it, I'm not sure if it is too confusing to follow, or do not enjoy it's form, just leave a message and I will change it to its regular form before posting another chapter. **_

Dear James,

Do you want to come over, my dad can apparate you if you want? Just send me an owl, should we do it this week?'

Remus.

…

Hey Remus,

Was thinking just the same, don't send a letter to Peter, I had already sent him an owl asking him over, I have sent you one, must be a slow owl (It's not mine) so ignore that when it turns up, I haven't sent one to Sirius since, Potter owls are banned and it will get Sirius in trouble, will you send him one?

P.S Peter said he wasn't allowed to send an owl to Sirius as his Gran didn't want to be affiliated with the Blacks or something, so if you would.

Thanks, James.

….

Dear Sirius,

We were wondering if you wanted to come over if you are allowed. James wanted me to send this too as he was worried it would get you into trouble if they saw it was from the Potters and Peter's gran didn't want to send an owl to the Black family, sorry.

But anyway owl back if you can,

Remus.

….

Dear Remus,

Do you want to come over this weekend?

I am going to ask Peter as well?

James.

….

Hey James,

Got the old message, just so you know.

Remus.

….

Hey Remus,

Thanks for letting me know.

Did you send Sirius an owl, it's been four days, is he coming over, are you?

James.

….

Dear James,

Yes I am, I don't know about Sirius, I haven't heard anything.

Regards Remus.

….

Dear Sirius,

Sorry if I caused you any trouble

Your friend, Remus.

….

Dear Remus,

No need to apologise! I have had to visit my crazy cousin Bellatrix, didn't get my letter till I got home. My mother has already read it and said no. I have attached a letter for James would you send it. Have fun Remus, see you in three weeks!

Your dearest friend Sirius.

….

Dear James,

Sirius has sent you a letter, if he doesn't put it in, he can't come, see you Friday.

Remus.

…

Remus,

Thanks, got the letter

James

…...

Hey Sirius,

I was just wondering when you are going to Diagon Alley?

Me and James organised to meet up there next week, if you can join us

Remus

….

Sirius,

We are meeting up there tomorrow

If you're not there we will understand

Remus

….

Sirius,

I don't know whether you saw it or not, but, they had invisible ink quills that I thought you would like so I bought you one

p.s only a week now.

Remus

…..

Sirius,

Me and James were wondering, are you wearing robes onto the train or general clothes

Remus

….

Remus,

Sorry I haven't been allowed to reply, what clothes we are wearing? Doesn't that seem a tad trivial, or girly?

Anyway, robes unfortunately are my regular clothes- so robes but not school robes, I don't want to disappoint Mother before I leave in gold and red.

P.S the invisible ink quills sound awesome; I didn't get to go to Diagon alley. Mother sent Narcissa and Kreacher for my supplies and booked a seamstress for a day at the house.

Dying to see you,

Sirius.

….

It's so good to hear from you!

Remus.

….

Dear James,

Sirius has to wear wizarding robes, does that answer your question? See you tomorrow,

Remus.

….


	12. Chapter 12

Remus gave his mum the biggest hug of his life. His Dad stood next to him tapping his foot, 'come on soppy you will miss the train.'

'Are you talking to me?' Remus playfully punched his dad.

'Of course I am, you're the softest boy around'

'Be careful Dad, I bite'

'For one day out of the month'

'Oi dad I am vicious for four days around that night, craving rare meat, I am stronger and cause more havoc'

'You're forgetting you're asleep for two of them'

'Only one day now!'

'Okay, okay only one day, now come on, let's hurtle ourselves at the wall!' he exclaimed excitedly for Remus' benefit.

'Let's not' groaned Hope 'Now, Remus be safe and eat you are too skinny!'

'Bye mum, love you, bye! Bye…' his voice disappeared as he vanished within the wall.

'Now your batty old Mother is gone we can cut to the chase'

'Dad, mums not batty' he chastised.

'No she's your mum, do you still have the watch?' he asked in a matter of fact way.

'Yes, see wearing it now'

'Good, okay get on the train then, remember I love you' he said pulling Remus in for a bear hug.

'Aergh I love you too' Remus squeezed back 'bye dad'

'Bye son' he said looking over his son one more time at arm's length 'boy, you really have shot up'.

It was true; Remus was now a tall boy for his age. For some reason he had stored up this huge growth spurt for this summer holiday and to Hopes dismay, just after he had bought his robes. She had sent him back to the shop with his dad to try and swap them, but, that was a no go with the shop. Though they did settle on selling the old robes back as second hand and buying the new pair with a small discount. Mr Lupin was happy enough with that.

Remus searched through the cabins trying to find James, he got to the end of the train till he gave up and returned to find the cabin he had sat in last year, and there he found James. James still looked like James, messy black hair, a slight summer tan and a grin as big as Slughorn's waistline. But, obviously Remus didn't.

'What the merlin happened to you?' James gawked.

'Oh, a last minute growth spurt' Remus said casually, putting down his bags and opening up the lemon cake his mum and he had baked 'lemon cake?'

'sure' James replied greedily, shoving the cake into his mouth 'You… seen Peter… or Sirius … yet' he spoke between mouthfuls.

'No, not yet, I got an owl from him though' Remus assured himself and James.

'Yeah, you said' James looked slightly down until he spotted Peter in the crowd 'Hey look it's Peter!'

Peter had grown a little too, but now was the shortest in the group due to Remus' growth spurt. He looked happier, Remus had seen him at the Potters manor during the middle of the holiday but, he seemed to be looking a lot livelier now he was back in his school uniform.

'Look at Pete all grown up and neat' crooned James.

'M my g gran brought m me' Peter explained 'She w wanted to see me in m my uniform before she dies, she s said' he laughed.

'My grans the same, and my Aunt for that matter, thinks you could die on pot she said, so she needed one last look and a kiss before she left- in case it was forever' Remus sympathised.

Both wizards looked at Remus curiously, 'pot?'

'Oh, erm, weed, cannabis? No? erm it is a muggle drug, you smoke it' explained Remus.

Meanwhile Sirius had to walk through the muggle station to his embarrassment in his wizarding robes. He hated robes, they were hot and itchy. He felt like a prat and he knew he looked like one.

When he got to platform nine and three quarters he quickly boarded the train leaving Kreacher, the only one accompanying him today, to sort out the bags. He didn't care; he hated the little shit anyway. Plus, he was desperate to find his friends.

He didn't take long till he spotted James, and then his eyes followed to Peter and Remus. Remus had grown! Sirius was completely surprised, he looked amazing and all of a sudden Sirius felt uncomfortable with the way he looked, embarrassed further. Not only by his robes but whether he was looking gaunt and ill, the way his cheeks bones were too pointy and high, his eyes boring, lifeless and grey. His hairs too messy and not glossy enough like Remus', whether he looked to skinny and weak. He suddenly felt a plethora of things, which surprised him and shocked him as it was something he wasn't used to or could put a finger on. He thought to himself, for a reason he didn't know the answer to yet he would sit next to Peter to make himself look better.

When Sirius walked through the door of the carriage, Remus heart took a leap, he looked dreadful! Worn out, beaten and pale.

'Wow, you look like a vampire!' James laughed trying to make the situation lighter but, it only caused Sirius to look distraught. Remus and Peter were already sitting on a seat together when Remus pulled him into a one armed hug putting him between them. Remus wasn't sure whether Sirius would be okay with this gesture but, his worries were quickly obliterated when he slumped into Remus body and curled into him. Peter quickly moved to James' side to allow more room and to feed into James' slightly diminishing ego.

'My holiday was awful' Sirius announced 'how was yours?'

'It was okay' they all chorused. Remus looked down at the fragile Sirius, he was matted and messy, and his skin pale and a little waxy, probably from being cooped up all holiday. He tried not to stare for too long, stealing little glances here and there as he could feel how, ever proud and vain Sirius, was self-conscious. He was thin as well, too thin. For some reason this pained Remus and made him hug him tighter.

'I now you're glad to see me Remus' Sirius mumbled into Remus 'but, if you hug me any tighter I may explode'.

'Oh sorry' Remus said releasing Sirius.

'S'okay, you've grown' he commented.

'I have, haven't I?' Remus smiled- he was a little proud.

'I bet you're taller than me now' Sirius pouted a little.

'Don't pout' Remus scolded lightly 'have a piece of lemon cake I made?'

'Ooh you are domestic!' Sirius joked while happily helping himself to a slice.

Sirius deflated confidence was soon replenished when he received a love note from a girl in the year above half way through the feast.

'W what's that S Sirius?' Peter asked eagerly.

'I don't know?' he replied, turning to look at the girl who had just given it to him. It was a girl called Astoria Olive, her father owned half the wizarding chocolate companies. She had dark brown hair that flicked at the ends and around her face and a fringe that reached her eyelashes. She had a few singular freckles and a dark tan from wherever they had been that summer. Her eyes were chocolate brown also, she looked warm and friendly, like caramel and chocolate. She had a big mouth for her face, that she stretched into a pretty smile and a little button nose. She was regarded as pretty, though for some reason Sirius didn't really care about that, it was just another stupid girl.

The note read:

Hey, Sirius,

Want to meet up after the feast in the armoury closet in the left wing after the feast?

Astoria xxx

He was going to ignore it and just take it as a nice compliment that he was considered a mature boy in his year but, James snatched it out of his hands and wolf whistled loudly before shouting. 'Astoria, he will be there! If not, I will!' and finished by waggling his eyebrows. A light blush blossomed on her cheeks and her eyelashes fluttered wildly.

xxx

Later that night, Sirius slipped away from the group and quietly as he could but, found he was being followed by Remus.

'Hey, what's up Remus' he asked nicely, a little annoyed he didn't want anyone one to know.

'Are, are you actually going?' he seemed concerned.

'Yes'

'Oh right' for some reason Remus looked a little disappointed with Sirius.

'Hey, Remus it will be okay! I will be back before midnight, okay?' He reassured before slipping into the armoury closet.

He waited for five minutes, after three he began to wring the note in his hands, beginning to get nervous. Suddenly the lock on the door clicked, he quickly dropped the note and wiped his hands on his trousers. She entered, she shuffled in and he quickly realised how cramped the closet was, it brought back memories of that night when he managed to get Remus to be friends with them. She looked up shyly and gave a giggling smile which caused deep dimples. Sirius thought this was pretty attractive but, thought he preferred shallower dimples like Remus'… Why are you thinking about Remus? He thought to himself, crap, he tried to focus on the task at hand: pretty Astoria in front of him.

'Hey' he said trying to sound nonchalant, but his voice was a little shaky with nerves.

'Hey, you haven't done this before have you?' she said tucking her flicked hair behind her ears. He caught a sent, it smelled of lavender and of chocolate, Remus smelt like chocolate, but, not overly sickly sweet chocolate like Astoria, she smelt over powering, Remus smelt nicer, he also smelt of soap and something else, like grass and trees.

'It's okay' she carried on taking a step towards him and going to stroke his hair out of his eyes. She placed her hands either side of his face and then leaned up and placed her lips against his. She pulled away and giggled.

'That was nice' he said flatly and leaned in for another, this time taking control and pressing his lips and against hers, she then began to open her lips and guide the kiss into something more which he willingly obliged.

'Was that nice?' she asked.

'Yes perfectly fine, right I better be off, look at the time!' he feigned concern, and tried to slip out of the door.

'Wait! Aren't you going to walk me back?'

'Erm yeah sure, sorry, what are you again?' he asked sneaking a look at her tie 'Ah Ravenclaw, okay let's go'

'For a Black you lack charm' she pouted before stalking off in the direction of Ravenclaw 'well are you coming?' she snapped.

'Ergh' he groaned, she was a bad as his mother and Cissy rolled into one, 'Yeah wait up then' he moaned jogging to catch up with her.

Xxx

Remus lay awake in his bed. He didn't know why, but he couldn't sleep. He tried to pinpoint why. Was it because of Sirius? Was it because of Sirius and Astoria? Astoria who was rich and pretty, pretty, like Sirius himself, okay, Sirius wasn't pretty, he was handsome, he would kill Remus for saying he was pretty. Why was he so bothered about what they were doing, it wasn't the danger he was putting himself in because he hadn't minded when James and him had snuck out of the dorm late at night. Was it because of Astoria herself? He didn't mind her, he had only spoken with her once and she actually seemed really nice. What was it? Did he like Astoria, he considered for a second kissing her in the broom cupboard but, quickly realised he wasn't infatuated with her. Was it because Sirius may be infatuated with her? He had been fine when she had given the note and Sirius had shrugged it off, acting as if he didn't want to. But, he had to follow him when he snuck off to actually do it. He had made such a fool of himself! Did he feel as though he was being replaced? Remus didn't think that was it, he wasn't entirely jealous. He did feel a little hurt though… His train of thought was stopped when Sirius walked back into the room.


	13. Chapter 13

'OW!' Sirius screeched as his toe collided with his bed post.

'Shirius Shut mup' James complained at being woken up but, quickly fell back to sleep.

'Sirius is that you' Remus asked the darkness.

'Yeah, sorry Remus, go back to sleep' Sirius said however, Remus felt Sirius weight sit beside him.

'How was Astoria? Remus asked, desperate to know.

'It was okay' Sirius sighed rubbing his toe 'she was blood annoying though, had to walk her back to her room'

'Well it's only polite… what did you do?'

'She kissed me' he shrugged lying across Remus' knees 'then she made me walk her "home" I tell you Remus, girls are bloody awful'

'So you won't be seeing her again?' he asked almost gleefully.

'Don't know… probably not, depends'

'Depends?'

'Night Remus'

'What does depend mean… Night then Sirius'.

Xxx

'Sirius… Sirius wake up… Sirius waaake uuup… Siiirriiuuuus… Siriuuus… Siriuuus… Waaakee uuupp… Siriuus… SIRIUUUUSS' James whispered. He was sat on Sirius' bed already eating a bar of chocolate and chomping loudly.

'What James' Sirius grumbled waking up 'are you already eating Remus' chocolate?'

'Yup' he nodded giving Sirius a measurable poke to wake him up further.

'I don't see how you can always be eating, you'll get fat' He practically snarled- mornings were not a pretty time for Sirius.

'No chance, any way how was your date last night?'

'It wasn't a date' he growled 'I am going for a shower'. He stumbled out of his bed, pulling of his T-shirt and pyjamas off and chucking them at James' face before grabbing his towel and stomping off to wake up.

Unfortunately half asleep Sirius didn't register the sound of water running. Remus was enjoying the warm water running across his chest when Sirius towel and underwear slapped its way over the door and didn't notice it due to having his back turned. However, he turned around just in time to see Sirius staring at him in utter shock and horror, which quickly turned to hysterics.

'Sirius!' Remus gasped, oh shit, oh shit, he was completely naked in front of Sirius and Sirius was in front of him. Fortunately for Sirius, Sirius didn't have scars across his body. Remus jumped and attempted to cover his body while Sirius gave a throaty laugh and jump into the next cubicle. Remus could hear him laughing and pounded his head against the tiles.

Sirius couldn't believe it; he had just seen Remus naked, which made him laugh again though there really was nothing laughable about it. Sirius looked down at his body. He all of a sudden hated it. His bones were, well too bony, his skin too pale and his chest too boyish looking. He quickly washed and ran out of the shower trying to find his towel quickly.

Back in the dorm he began to brush his hair and pull out his uniform until Remus walked back in from his shower with Sirius' underwear dangling from his fingers.

'Were these a present Sirius?' Remus smiled.

'No sorry about that earlier, if it is any consolation, I have seen you all naked now, but, you are the only one to of seen me… I think, unless James has been spying again' Sirius replied just as light heartedly, leaning over to grab his boxers.

'I never spied on you! You wish Sirius!' James scoffed.

Remus, though definitely still embarrassed played along and joked 'should I feel privileged or sorry for myself?'

'Well, as you can tell my body, is the body of the gods, so think yourself lucky you got to see my perfect physique' he joked with arrogant bravado, but, Remus could see through it. Self-assured Sirius was slowly vanishing, the small shake in his voice and the uncomfortable shift in his body combined with the suddenly sad look in his eyes told Remus otherwise.

James suddenly wailed 'hey, if anyone has the body that was modelled from the gods, is mine!'

Sirius snorted, 'not for much longer if you keep eating like that, then you will have the body of Slughorn'

James shuddered before saying 'nah, I will burn it off with Quiditch, I am going to be a seeker'

'I thought they already have a seeker?' Remus questioned.

'Yeah, but James thinks he is better' mocked Sirius.

'You will see… mark my words, try outs are next week and I will be the seeker' James warned.

Xxx

The first lesson of their day was charms. The only thing about this lesson James and Sirius used to like was that they could all sit together on a long bench. However, today Sirius surprised everyone by being particularly talented at it, then later professing it to be 'rather fun, if you can do it!'

Remus was the first to comment when Sirius managed to levitate multiple books before performing a set routine making them all dance at different times before setting them back down.

'Sirius, that was amazing!' he congratulated

'Yeah, how did you do that?' exclaimed James.

Sirius feigned being insulted. 'Don't be so surprised!'

'Well no offence mate, you were no Remus last year…' James began to joke, but, Sirius cut in.

'Well, I had only one option this summer holiday, which was sitting in my room reading spell books, I must of picked up a few things, any way levitation is easy' he explained.

'P poor S S Sirius' Peter sympathised.

Xxx

Over lunch that day, James introduced his plan for the first prank of the year.

'You know last year when Mcgoogly said we could give peeves a run for his money?'

'Yes'

'I think we should.'

'What? How?'

'So… I suggest, we try and find out whatever Peeves is doing that night and do something bigger at the side of the castle.. Yeah?'

'Yeah.. and…' Sirius urged.

'Well that is it' James said.

'What! That's what we do anyway!'

'No we don't, we just target Snape… I am talking on a wider level here…'

'hmm' Sirius pondered 'so what's the first prank?'

'Okay, first of all we need someone to ask Peeves what he is planning tonight'

'Well don't look at me' Sirius surrendered his hands 'he hates me'

'Peeves doesn't like me either for some reason' but, Remus knew why; it was because Peeves knew about him being a werewolf and wasn't allowed to say anything under Dumbledore's rules.

'Well that leaves Peter' James clapped his hands together 'he likes you anyway'.

'He d drops f flags and armour on my h head when I walk through c corridors!' he whined.

'That's just a sign he likes you!' James smiled sweetly trying to supress a laugh.

'He m makes f fun of m my voice' Peter further persisted.

'Ignore him and you will be fine, it's Peeves way of love' Sirius sighed, picking at his forgotten food.

'I am s s scared of him' Peter stuttered.

'No ones scared of Peeves' James snorted.

'I I am' Peter looked truly terrified.

'Fine, look I will get headless nick to take you, any better?'

'He g gives m me the c c creeps' Peter complained.

'Everyone gives you the creeps' Sirius snapped, exasperated with how pathetic peter was.

'Oi, Nick, over here!' James waved him over 'will you take Peter here to see Peeves?'

'Why on hell would you want to see something as annoying as Peeves?' Headless Nick exclaimed!

'Exactly what we were telling Peter, but, he insisted. So will you Nick?' James reasoned, ignoring Peter's look of horror.

'I will, for the good of the Gryffindor spirit!' He resolved 'Come then, let us get on with it, if we must!'

'b but m my lunch' he tried however, headless nick was already floating away and Sirius pushed him off after him.

Xxx

'Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeh!' Peeves sung giddily.

'P P P Peeves?' Peter asked, trying to get the poltergeists attention.

'No this isn't he, I am Peeves not P P Peeves, wrong guy!' he sniggered.

'Peeves please' Headless Nick complained.

'P P P Peeves reporting for duty' he mocked standing to attention.

'C ca ask y you s s something?'

' He he he "C ca ask y you s s something", yes y y yo may y yy' he playfully stuttered. Before whizzing around poor Peter's head, creating a tornado like effect which effectively turned Peter green and dizzy.

'Er was w wondering w what you w were d doing g t tonight? P Peeves?' Peter attempted, clinging onto the wall for support.

'Why would I tell you!' he snorted and persisted to cause havoc 'Weeeeeh!'

Peter think, he thought to himself, you have got to get this for James, come on think!

'Because I h heard that t the p prefects w were out to c catch you t tonight along with Ms Mc Mc McGonagall!' Peter slightly too enthusiastically exclaimed.

'Hmmmm NO!'

'Come on Peeves, this poor lad is only trying to help you!' Nick joined in for Peter's benefit.

'Fine!' wailed Peeves and came over to tell Peter roughly what he was doing.

Xxx

So they had found out Peeves was going to make all the paintings swap, which would have caused havoc as portraits like the fat lady were needed to get into Gryffindor.

'Okay, so since Peeves is doing that little trick… I say we decorate the castles paintings on the opposite side of the castle in Gryffindor colours'

'No I think we should save that for the first Quiditch match' Sirius considered.

'Maybe you should have someone behind the fat lady in case she is gone when you come back?'

'Good idea Remus' James replied 'Peter, would you do the honours?'

'Y Yes'

'What about we enchant the knight's armour to march around Hogwarts with Snivellous' underwear on them?'

'That would be funny… but, we are targeting Snape now, not giving Peeves a run for his money' James voiced.

'It was inevitable, involving slimy Snape, right?' Sirius laughed 'Any kills two birds with a stone… or whatever the saying is, was that correct Remus?'

'Yeah sure, near enough' Remus' patted him on the back.

'Yeah but Sirius, we have got to think big!' James

'W why James?' Peter asked confused.

'Just because!' James exclaimed 'last year was good, but, this year! This year we can be better!'


	14. Chapter 14

Sirius was standing in the bathroom staring at his reflection. James was out with Peter practising for the Quidditch try outs and Remus was still not at school, he had gone home for the death of his Great Uncle Jonah. This gave Sirius some time to himself. He looked awful, as usual, at the back of his mind he wondered where had the Sirius who had been so confident about his body and his identity gone. Was this normal to be so ashamed? He looked at his reflection, really closely; he hadn't changed much- he thought. Since being at Hogwarts his face had got a little fuller, but, he still had hollow cheeks and angular cheekbones. He used to think these made him look aristocratic, but, now they were a permanent mark of being a Black he couldn't hide, they made him look like his father and his brother. His eyes were a light crisp grey in the white light of the bathroom; he wished he had better eyes, less dull and boring. His eyes reflected colour around him, he hated it, because it meant they were nothingness. He wished he had warm eyes like James' hazel eyes, or even better Remus' deep green eyes, that looked thoughtful all the time. He thought that his eyes would disappear into his pale skin if it weren't for his eyelashes. They were stupidly dark and looked silly against his pale complexion in Sirius opinion. He thought they were girly, that they looked like he was wearing makeup constantly. This was something Sirius would grow to love, how dark and brooding his dark eyelashes would make him, but, at this point in his life he hated them as much as everything else with himself. His body was too skinny he thought as well and too small. Apart from Peter he was the smallest out of his friends now. His hair, he hadn't grown massively sat on his shoulders –just- and fell in soft waves. It was his act of defiance. He had two major marks of defiance: curly long hair and light grey eyes. The blacks often sported black straight hair and dark black eyes. But still the signs of defiance made him feel alone and sad when looking in the mirror. He felt as if he physically didn't belong anywhere. He didn't look friendly and warm enough like James and Remus to look like a Gryffindor and he didn't look stern, cold and Black like enough to fit in there either. Oh, Sirius felt lost and suddenly crumpled into a mess on the bathroom floor, desperate and crying.

Xxx

Remus lay in his hospital bed, stiff and in serious pain. Last night's transformations were awful. The wolf had broken a whole side of his body and the potion to heal them still hadn't worked due to him catching a fever. Madame Pomfrey had told him 'I should think you would be in the ward for another night at this rate' she apologised slapping her hand on his forehead to check his temperature 'it's a nasty fever that's burning up the maladies. It's not too serious though, no need to contact your parents or Mungo's'. He hated missing school, his friends, and his life. His lycanthropy did that and no matter how much his parents tried to tell him it was only one moon out of the entire month, nevertheless Remus knew the wolf was still there the rest of the time. He constantly worried if people could see it within him, animals did. If it was close to the moon, James' owl for example, would not go near him at all. He worried that his friends might, and this worry consumed his thought and night times. Most of all he hated lying here in bed all day. He wasn't sick; his body was just broken and bruised. He felt unloved, he wished someone could visit, bring grapes, chocolate and flowers and wish him a swift recovery. But, that was never going to happen, his mum tried to send chocolate after every full moon, but it wasn't the same. So Remus lay there, bored stiff and wallowing in self-pity wishing it was summer as Madame Pomfrey allowed the window open and the sun with a gentle breeze would hit him and remind him he was alive as Remus and that the day was his, the night previous was over.

xxx

James stormed into the room, Peter scampering on his trail. He was hot faced, pissed off and sweaty. He looked around the room, there was only Sirius sat on his bed reading a book purposefully ignoring James' noisy intrusion of the serenity of the room.

'Where's Remus!' James spat.

'Not here yet' Sirius looked up, his nose crinkling at the red faced, mud streaked panting Potter before him 'this is why I didn't bother trying out for Quiditch, I can't see why it is attractive' he pointed at James' mucky self.

'arghhh! Why can't anyone be here when I want them to be!' he shouted kicking the bedpost.

'I I am h here J James' Peter tried, but James grabbed a book from Remus' bed and flung it in peters direction. Peter squealed then ran away; back down to the common room.

'What happened?' Sirius asked, now paying attention.

'I didn't get seeker' he seethed.

'Oh well, it's not that bad, I assume you are on the team?'

'Not that bad! It is awful!' James cried, his arms flinging about the place.

'Why?' Sirius asked, he really didn't see what the fuss was about, and then again he really didn't see why people like Quidditch.

'Because I wanted to be seeker!' James groaned 'I am only chaser!'

'Chaser is good, you get to score goals, get up the points, a lot more action!' Sirius reasoned, or tried to, he really had no temper for this and cursed Remus inwardly for not being here, Remus was the one good at this.

'It's not as good as seeker!' he cried in a huff, 'My Dad was seeker!'

'Is that why you are upset?' Sirius tried, the Potters seemed pretty nice, if not too doting and encouraging parents in Sirius' opinion, why would James be upset about not replicating his Father's glory? His parents didn't seem like the type to be bothered.

'No!' he snapped 'It's because I deserve Seeker!'

'Oh right…' Sirius gave up.

'Oh right! Oh right!' James cried like a brat jumping onto Sirius' bed 'The captain was a girl, and the only reason she didn't give me Seeker was because I had apparently upset her little sister!'

'Did she say that?' Sirius asked, tired of the conversation.

'No' he replied, still grumpy.

'Then how do you know?' he sighed.

'I just do' he said, and then noticing Sirius' confused face continued 'because I know I upset her little sister'

'Okay, so you think you didn't get seeker because of upsetting a girl' he emphasised think, trying to convey sarcasm.

'Yes, but I know' he exclaimed.

'What about James' Sirius spoke, as if talking to a three year old 'the other people were better? Hmm?'

'Great now you too!' James shouted.

'Now me what?'

'You, you and Peter saying it's because I am crap! I had the better broom!'

'Come on James stop being such a stuck up prat' Sirius began before walking out the dorm.

'Ooh that's rich coming from you' James snapped, following Sirius out of the dorm and through the common room and out into the corridor.

'James go away, take a shower' Sirius began but James butted in 'You are the most stuck up person in the world! Ooh I am a brat poor me!' he jeered.

'James piss o…'

'Oh look! Now I am going into a tantrum, because I am not getting my way! Or maybe because my mummy and daddy don't love …' But James never got to finish as Sirius swooped around and shouted a rather nasty hex at James which caused numerous boils on his forehead to spell 'Prat' that filled with puss and popped quickly, dripping down his face in a slow gloop.

'YOU BASTARD!' James screamed before launching himself at Sirius. Soon the boys were in a full fight, scraping, punching and kicking one another till Filch found them.

xxx

'I fink you will be best wiv Hagrid tonight' he croaked, his cat rubbing around Sirius' legs, to Sirius' disgust 'Hagrid has got something big on tonight, he could us some 'elp'.

James groaned and Sirius whipped around to shoot James the death glare.

'This is all because of you, you prat!' he whispered.

'Look I am sorry mate, I did say' He begged in hushed voices.

'Hmm, tell me that when I am attacked in the forbidden forest' Sirius grumbled.

Hagrids hut looked warm and jolly from up by the castle. It was small and smelt of earth and smokes billowing from the chimney. Hagrid sat outside on the step waiting for them. He was a big looming fella, about their dad's age they thought and he was friendly enough. The edge of the forbidden forest looked dark and scary, it had eeriness about it, but, this didn't seem to effect Hagrid. Maybe it was his thick skin, couldn't feel a thing dangerous. Sirius noticed three shovels and matching burlap sacks. 'Crap' he thought allowed.

'Exactly 'at' Hagrid boomed jolly as ever and coming to pat Sirius back.

'Were shovelling poo?' James asked, disgusted now rather than scared.

'Yer' he laughed 'An' there's a lot of it'.

'Look Sirius' James suddenly turned around, taking on a serious tone 'I so sorry, it is all my fault, please forgive me, as I don't forgive myself' he then smiled wide and toothily.

'Fine' Sirius grumbled, grabbing a shovel and stalking off into the forest behind Hagrid.

'yer lucky tonigh' boys' Hagrid bellowed 'it's not a full moon, tha' was las' night ' he pointed up at the slither of white.

_**I just wanted to say, this is my last chapter post for a week probably as I am in Berlin, on holiday till next Friday. **_

_**So I just wanted people to know that I haven't just randomly stopped!**_

_**So just hit follow and you will know, ad won't forget, the story is still going along.**_

_**Thanks. **_


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15

The candles flickered dangerously before dying and darkness shrouded the place. The corridor was eerily quiet and Sirius couldn't help feel a chill to the place. He pulled his cloak more tightly around his Pyjamas and hopped from one foot to another in the darkness. James had dragged him out of bed and was pacing up and down the corridor like merlin gone mad. He was only in his pyjamas and his hair was wildly messier than normal due to his hands pulling it apart due to stress. What he was stressed about Sirius did not know. Both boys could only be made out as shadows casted in the gloom. The wind whistled in the silence as a constant drone only to be interrupted by the frantic pad of James' bare feet. At the slight noise, the painting's stirred in their sleep, snuffling slightly before beginning a light snore. James body trembled. His eyes wide and haunted, they were somewhere else, in a different place and he looked demented with wherever that was. His hands clawed into his bottoms tightly, before unclenching to only grasp at the flimsy fabric again.

He seemed to want to speak, to want to tell something, but, it seemed he found it impossible. If were not for James' state of panic, Sirius would have argued about being dragged up out of bed at one o clock in the morning. But, something in his eyes, his quivering eyes told him otherwise when he rasped 'Sirius, corridor now. I need to talk!' He spoke like a mad man, a starving convict escaping and running for his life, a soldier dying desperate to share the burden of a lifelong secret, a man wanting so badly to be forgiven for his sins. This was not James before Sirius but, a shell of James filled with something scary and reckless.

Sirius stared at him now, not sure what to do. He looked exhausted, as large black circles bruised his eyes and his skin greasy and pasty grey, it seemed he was living off adrenaline or his torment alone was driving him. Should he force it out of him? Would that worsen the situation? He slumped in his frame knowing he didn't have the answer. He could feel sleep lulling him back to his dreamland but, a constant trickle of freezing breeze would bite him awake and alert him on James before him.

Suddenly, James whipped around. His body snapping to face Sirius and a barely audible whisper croaked, 'Remus. Werewolf' He spoke it almost as though he vomiting the words. They came out in a hoarse rush. He seemed himself shocked with the outburst, as he clasped his shaking hand to his mouth, trying to hold in the outpour of words. His body was doubled over, as if in pain and he seemed truly sick from what he had said.

Sirius blinked, not sure what to do, should he attempt to get someone for help?

'What James?' he questioned, struggling to contain the incredulous tone.

'Think about it' he spat frantically, straightening quickly and tumbling forward to only grab Sirius by the arms and glare frighteningly into Sirius eyes, 'he always goes at the month, the full moon, think about it Sirius, think about it!' he babbled, excusing the idea, the notion trying to convey the rationality to his theory. Sirius didn't want to know, think about it even, he knew it wasn't a joke, James really believed it, and it was serious. But Sirius couldn't let himself even contain the awful idea.

'James calm down' Sirius tried 'think about what you are saying… are you even sure' Sirius reasoned.

'No' he looked oddly hopeful 'no I am not' he smiled weakly.

Sirius smiled back 'good then, let's go back to bed and sleep it of then, yeah mate?'

With James' nod, Sirius seemed absolutely and utterly relieved as they left the corridor into the warmth of their bed.

However, Sirius that night couldn't help thinking about what James had said and found he really couldn't suppress it because, James could be right. He slowly began to sob silently and without tears and for that he hated James.


	16. Chapter 16

It had been a week since James and Sirius' detention and Remus last visit home. It would have been lovely to say they were all friends again however; Remus noted James spent very little time with them. He had been spending a lot of time "honing his skills on the Quiditch pitch" and also in the library, however, these visits were late at night and he still asked to copy Remus' homework. Sirius on the other hand spent a massive amount of time with Remus, clinging to his side at every opportunity. Hey Remus let's do homework together… want to go for a walk… want to play wizarding chess… exploding snaps… the library… talk?

The ideas were endless; it was almost as though Sirius was using Remus so he wasn't lonely. The idea popped up in Remus' head: was Sirius scared of feeling lonely? However, as per his thought track was interrupted, but, not by his expected friends. It was Lily Evans standing before him. She was all smiles, with gleaming green eyes, a big grin that pushed her lightly freckled cheeks into the bright bulbs which blushed a deep rose when Remus smiled back at the sight of how red her hair was.

'Hey Remus' she greeted politely, bouncing a little from one foot to another. Remus looked around her to see a group of three girls giggling in the other corner of the common room. Hettia, Rose and Emily, were Lily's friends.

'Hello Lily', he smiled back.

'You up to much?' Lily asked.

'Nah, just boring homework' he sighed, shutting his book.

'Good, I was wondering whether you would want to go for a walk?'

'Sure' he said, stretching his arms and fingers out so they clicked 'I could always do with a stretch of my limbs'.

…

James watched as Sirius was left alone as Remus went off with that Evans girl. He considered for a minute going over chatting to him as he looked a little crestfallen. But James had serious business to attend. He had to find a way to get into the forbidden books. He had read extensively over the past few days, trying to find what he needed but, being a second year a lot were still out of bands. He had tried smiling, being nice and also threatening but, nothing happened. He went to the library to see if he could conjure a devious plan to get his hands on the books. He was desperate to do so tonight as tomorrow he was returning home for a few days. His great aunt Burga had died and his Mother had written to say it would be nice for him to attend as he always put a smile on her face. As he could remember, that was a lie. She used to thwack him over the head with her deceased husbands broom and tell him he was good for nothing but a squib, nearly constantly. Yet, he had to attend; therefore, tonight was the night he had to get his hands on those books.

…

'Remus you know it is pretty nice being out here with you' Lily Evans remarked as she sat by the lake looking out on the orange sun.

'Hmm' Remus sighed contently, he was lying back on the grass with his feet dipped in the water 'yeah, Lily, I think so too'.

Lily smiled and looked over. Though she didn't think it right to admit it to him yet, she had a crush on him and her friends thought he liked her too.

'Be careful of the Giant squid' she attempted at joking. Normally she was pretty sharp and quick witted, but, in this girlish flustered state, it was pretty impossible.

'What?' Remus asked, slightly lost.

'Your toes' she explained slightly embarrassed 'your toes might be eaten by the giant squid'

'haha they can have my toes, I am not very attached' he chuckled.

'I like your toes!' she wailed to her own surprise, before blushing wildly and directing the conversation away from her outburst 'anyway, aren't you cold?'

She was commenting on his toes in the freezing water and his lack of layers. Lily was wearing her cloak and jumper, along with a thick pair of tights and knowing her probably a vest as well. Remus on the other hand was only clad in a shirt and robe with his bare feet dangling in the water.

'Nah, I am fine Lily, don't worry about me' he shrugged, he was naturally warmer than humans for some reason, it was probably a resonance of the wolf traced in his blood. He was too content to make an excuse today and also felt compelled not to lie to Lily. He didn't want her knowing the truth, but, he didn't want to lie either. Lily had that effect on people.

…

Later on at dinner James was missing. Remus assumed he was at the library, though it was unusual for him to miss food, as James was constantly hungry and eating. He professed dinner time was his best subject along with Quiditch, till Sirius had rather cruelly commented that neither were subjects and James was in fact a dunce.

'Peter, where's James' Remus asked. Peter seemed to always know, he followed every step James took and knew exactly where he was.

'H His g great aunt d d died' he stuttered before shovelling mash potato into his mouth.

'oh…' Remus sighed before tucking into shepherd's pie.

Sirius sat brooding on the opposite side. He normally loved this meal yet he found no stomach for it. He was thinking of what James had said. He didn't want to believe it, he couldn't. the more he thought about it, he considered James may be right. The more time James spent in the library knew James was getting closer to finding the answer and Sirius would lose a friend. He had tried to beg James not to go to the library and find an answer…

'James don't go… leave it, I don't want to lose Remus, he is our best friend don't you see, he can't be a werewolf!' he pleaded.

'Sirius, I have to know so I don't accuse him of the wrong thing' he stated before grabbing his satchel and heading off to the library.

…

James back at Potter manner found himself in study and out of the way of the grown up guests and their party. He wasn't meant to be in here but he knew his father owned forbidden books on magical beasts and he had to find it. He did.

'Magical beasts and their dark origins' it was called. It was bounded by old dirty leather that made James' nose crinkle slightly. He took it up to his room, where he hid it under his bed until he found the nerve to open it and reveal the truth. On some level he already knew, yet he sat on his four poster bed, bouncing his legs up and down and running his hands along the rough tartan over throw. His room was generally warm and comfortable. It was all dark oak, each piece of furniture made to match the other adorned with lions painted in gold on the door. He used to love the cupboard doors as a little child and used to play with the lions hidden between carved trees and leaves and pretend he was also in the jungle when his parents had left him alone with the live in Nannie, Grier.

She still lived here with them, even though James was deemed unacceptably old for a Nannie, now in her 50's with a few more lines and wiry grey hair. She was a squib and a distant relation who was happy to move in and care for the magical unexpected baby of the Potters after she was widowed at a rather young age of 41. She had always been a determined and vigilant soul. As a squib she had trained herself to make potions using a wand her family had given to her after a death of a close relative, and though it was terribly hard she had managed and could perform simple remedies which came in rather helpful when you were looking after the wild James Potter. She had also decided she would get over her husband's death rather quickly and jumped quickly into the Nanny role, since it meant she would move away to the outskirts of Scotland in the middle of nowhere and away from Edinburgh and her little house there. As previously stated she was suited to being James' nanny for two reasons, being a squib and vigilant. She was ever watchful of James and sharped eyed, she had also been the eldest of three younger magical siblings and was used to the mishaps and experimentations with magic that occurred through a young wizard's childhood. She was a solid looking woman, though quite short, you could tell she was strong and unforgiving. She wasn't coddling or over loving as James parents often was but, was rather practical driving force in James life. She purposely went about this and James loved her in a different way to his parents. He loved his parents due to them being his parents and their attention. But, he loved Grier for her support and needed her for help. She had been here today, clearing away mess and moving chairs here and there and making sure James wasn't bored.

She had sent him upstairs, to his room or to the library or study, wherever he wanted but, she thought the party was unsuitable for a boy of James age. She had been rather happy for the arrival of James coming home and had taken extra care cleaning his room and buying new bedding as a treat for him.

His bedding now was a simple red cotton blend with burgundy tartan blankets thrown over it to keep it warm at night. It was a little more grown up than his previous cream bedding with horses, broomsticks, phoenixes, dragons blowing fire and lions –all his favourite things- he had requested she embroider on them when he was five. His red bedding matched the red of the curtains that were also checked with hints of gold sewn through, which matched the mass of thick rugs over the floor. He had stuck up brightly coloured Gryffindor banners and had framed posters of Quidditch teams over his walls which were a cream and gold wallpaper. He usually found his room cheery and warm though today, sitting on his bed he found it isolating and gaudy. The Gryffindor elements and hints seemed a façade, a cover to how weak he actually felt. He groaned before flopping sideways onto his pillow and giving it a hearty punch.

It was at that moment Grier gave her four sharp warning knocks before waiting, two minutes in case he wasn't decent, and walked in.

'James, I came up tae see if yoo wanted a cup'o tea' she spoke with a thick Scottish accent before noticing him on the bed. She walked over and perched next to him before patting his head and saying 'it's okay tae bee upset at tae time like tis wee one, yer Auntie wouldn't want yoo upset though'

'It's not Aunt Burga I am upset about' He replied, turning his head from the pillow.

'Aye then, what has got you doon then?'

'I don't know what to do' James began 'I have this problem about this person… I think he might be… he might be something bad but… I don't know whether to find out the truth… in case it ruins everything'

'Noo, why would it roon everthing?' she asked soothingly.

'Because it is really bad… a really bad thing about them' James said, she noticed how distraiught he looked and thought her input wouldn't be wise.

'Well deary, it seems you already knoo the "really bad thing aboot them" and yer still friends with them' she concluded before getting up a little stiffly and heading to the door not before sighing 'I'll get you yer tea, you wee bonnie laddie then'.

Five minutes later she came back smiling softly and placing a cup of tea by the sullen James Potter before leaving him to decide for himself. After a large gulp of tea he reached beneath his bed and pulled out the book because, even if Remus was a werewolf, he was still friends with whether he was or not already. He was Remus' friend and still would be if not for Hagrid pointing out the moon that night.


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter 17

When James returned only Sirius and Peter could be found in the dormitory. Sirius was sulking and Peter was attempting his potions homework to no avail. The windows were open and a cool breeze ruffled Sirius's ever growing hair and Peter's loose papers. It was afternoon so the room glowed a pleasant orange and birds could be heard singing not too far away.

'Where's Remus?' James asked hoping he sounded cheery and light though he could feel certain tightness in his voice and tension in the air. There was still a residue of the night in the corridor and days he had deserted Sirius to find out the truth. Sirius was angry with him, but, not for ignoring him- something different which James couldn't figure out. Sirius was in fact upset that James could be right, and that was the case the horror of the situation.

'H he w went t to the library' Peter stuttered looking up momentarily to beam at James before hunching over his parchment and sticking his tongue out, obviously perplexed.

'Right…' James pondered allowed. He thought he should tell Peter and Sirius before Remus.

But, was this his opportunity, was it the right time, how long would he need?

'I need to talk to you guys… about Remus…' James began but, Sirius got up to leave 'Sirius, no, no. Stay please, I know now!' he begged. Sirius couldn't stand to be around this, he knew at the back of his mind James was right, but, he would rather ignore it.

'I can't James, please not today…' he pleaded, his voice a little edgy, a little cold.

'W what about R Remus?' Peter asked, lost on what the other two were talking about.

James turned to Peter confidently and inwardly smiled when he saw Sirius sit on his bed in defeat.

'Have you noticed how Remus goes home every month?' James asked Peter.

'Y Yes' Peter said a little unsure, he didn't realise it was every month.

'And do you remember what the night was like the days he was gone Peter?' James persisted. His voice light and kind, maybe purposefully too slow, but, he wanted Peter to figure it out, be able to comprehend it. He had planned it on the way here, he would make them think about it was only one night and think how Remus was himself the rest of the time, remind them of Remus', their friend's, humanity. That was how he saw it, Remus was still Remus, and he hadn't changed all of a sudden. James had liked him when he didn't know Remus was a werewolf and now he knew; well why that should make a difference he did not see.

However, Sirius ruined it.

'Shut up James, Peter's not three! James thinks Remus is a werewolf' he spat angrily.

'No, I know Sirius, I have a book, he is, don't you see!' James explained, digging out the book and turning quickly to the page he marked.

Sirius's face went pale when he saw the page. After a moment of staring at the horrific diagram of a transformed werewolf killing a human, he ran to the bathroom and vomited. Peter was left, mouth agape in absolute wonder. He looked at James's concerned face as he watched where Sirius had disappeared and when he caught Peter's own eyes he gave an encouraging look which urged Peter, though he was pretty scared at the minute, to say 'I' fine w w with it J James'. Which Peter thought really did prove his loyalty.

Xxx

Sirius had locked himself in the dorm lavatory for over an hour now. He could here James muffled voice, probably a plan to confront Remus. Why did he have to do this! Ruin Remus. He liked Remus; Remus was kind, funny and caring. But, now, now he was a murderous werewolf. He had deceived Sirius all along, pretending to be a compassionate person, yet, he wasn't at all. He was a murderer, an animal, a threat to all wizards little boys and girls. Remus preyed on the innocent, ripped out throats, bit others to turn more monsters, to create a pack, to breed and take over the wizarding race. He was like the others, his parents had told him of how they rape and steal from people as humans and kill by night- surely Remus didn't do that? But, Sirius knew he had to face the facts. He drank blood and fed off raw human flesh. He was nothing better than a vicious animal.

Worst of all, he had lied to him. Remus, who he had shared his secrets with and confided in had been mocking him all the time, like he savage he lied he wasn't. Sirius couldn't trust him anymore; he resolved never to trust anyone. He thought about Remus, the beast, blood dripping from his sharp fanged muzzle and once again felt the nausea sweep over him…

James had begun knocking. 'Sirius, you need to come out Remus will be back any minute… come on Sirius… I am sorry for whatever I have done… Please Sirius… Sirius please… please… Sirius stop being a prat and come out!... You bastard come out now!... BASTARD!' he finally screamed kicking the door…

He didn't respond to James, he didn't think his limbs could move. He didn't know how long he had been in here. He was crumpled around the loo, head on the seat and stiff from the tiled floor.

It was the sound of Remus arriving that sparked something in him. Willing some part of him to get up and unlock the door and enter the room. He didn't know what it was that made him participate.

Remus was by his bed putting his books away. James was staring at him intently and Peter sharing his gaze between the two of them. Remus gradually turned around aware of the stares. He spotted Sirius, he looked awful and his body shuddered when Remus caught his stare. He looked with pure hatred and disgust by the sight of Remus, as his lipped curled and his nose crinkled, while his eyes narrowed to slits.

He was slowly aware of James moving in closer and a timid Peter following. However, there was something odd about it. It was as though strings were tied to each entity of the room and slowly were being turned and tightened into a coil.

'Remus' He heard James say, his voice soft and careful as he put a hand on Remus' back 'do you want to sit down? We need to talk'

'Erm okay' Remus replied as he sat down cautiously. The tone of James's voice prickled his skin, he could sense Sirius's body was far away and stiff. Peter was scared.

'Remus, erm…' James began, struggling for words 'I know that you have been lying to us and have a secret to share…'

They couldn't know, it can't be about his lycanthropy, please to god don't let it be…

Remus felt sick, he could taste bile pooling in his mouth and the edges of his vision went blurred. Could they know? He was so stupid, he got too close? He thought he was going faint at this point, as girly as that sounded he honestly felt light headed. Everything was spinning around dizzily, the room swept away, and spinning out of control. He felt like Dorothy in the storm, only he would end up in some hell; to descend into a black and white universe instead.

James seeing Remus' panic stepped in 'It's okay, I was just wondering if you wanted to tell me yourself, we don't mind Remus' at which Sirius snorted loudly and turned to look out onto the grounds from the window, 'we know you are a werewolf'.

At the word Werewolf Remus's body crumpled to the floor, tears streamed down his face and he persisted to hit his head with his own fists viscously, rocking back and forth.

'You stupid, stupid, stupid person Remus, you have ruined everything, now they know, now they know' he screamed at himself.

James panicked, Remus had always been so calm and level headed he hadn't anticipated a reaction like this, he had hurt his friend and he was truly sorry. He felt that awful burning feeling at the pit of his stomach when he had done something really bad, when he was ashamed of his actions.

'Remus, Remus, please look at me' James begged, scrambling over the bed to the tiny nook Remus had folded into, which he was banging his head dangerously against the stone wall 'You are still you, we are still friends, it does make you any different in our eyes, we are not prejudice!'

Suddenly, Remus stopped tormenting himself to stare at James intently 'don't tell anyone, I will pack my bags and leave tonight, I will get out of your way, I am sorry I ruined your life's too, just let me do that in peace, I am so sorry' he apologised and tried to get up but, James had held him down.

'Haven't you listened to a word I have said? You are staying Remus, no one will know apart from us. Whether we knew you were a werewolf or not, you would still be our friend Remus' He rationalised.

Remus seemed to understand and stopped crying. He spoke quietly and more as a reassurance to himself 'no one will know…'

'Nope' James beamed 'It will just be our little secret about your fury little problem once a month'.

Which in return granted a weak smile from Remus, he looked over at Sirius hopefully, who scowled and looked away, and then at Peter who gave him a sweet thumbs up and passed a bar of chocolate that had been on the top of Remus's case.

'Thankyou Peter' Remus whispered shakily.

Maybe everything was going to be alright, Remus thought to himself. But, at that moment Sirius got up and left the room growling and swearing obscenities.

At Sirius's departure Remus could feel a mirror shatter within him, as though his heart had broken.

'Don't worry mate' James said, seeing the hurt in Remus' eyes 'he will figure it out'.

Xxx

Sirius sat alone, replaying the image of Remus's heart broken, tear streaked face from the other night. He did this every night; he would escape to the privacy of the dungeons and wallow in his own self-pity. He had not only lost Remus, but, also James. He couldn't understand it, how could they stand to be around a viscous monster like him! He held James book before him, his wand casting a dim light over it highlighting the illustrations of the beast ripping apart a human. He felt sick again and wanted to vomit, but, instead he channelled the anger into hatred and punched the glass cabinet beside him. The doors shattered everywhere, he wanted to laugh aloud as he was rained upon relics of glass as though it was crystal rain but, he had no energy for such relief.

The glass had cut his knuckles, he felt so numb with loneliness that he couldn't feel the pain; he only watched the blood trickle slowly over his hand and into his sleeves. He pulled out a small piece of glass and chucked it onto the floor, where it chimed against another shard behind him. This shard was bigger and came to a dangerous, sharp point. He toyed with it for a short while, turning it in his fingers, watching as the sharp edge dig into his skin. Fascinated he pressed a little harder and it quickly stabbed his finger tip, a ball of blood escaping. He allowed it to slip from his fingers and into his palm where he clenched it tightly. He winced at a searing pain as the glass easily slid into his hand, as though it were warm butter, creating a deep gash. He was surprised to find relief, along with pain. It awoke the living within him, broke the veil of numbness. He held the shard before him; it was now smeared with bright red blood to match the fresh wound. He looked at his hand. It was slowly stopping the flow of blood and was becoming a little stiff and painful. He flexed it biting down the small cry of pain because the congealed blood was pulling apart as the cuts stretched.

His shirt was splattered with red, so he used the sleeve to wipe away some of the drying blood that was cracking on the back of his hand, by unbuttoning the cuff. The loose sleeve revealed his almost white stretch of skin of his arm, turquoise veins stemming from the base. He felt a pull of temptation to cut it. What would happen if he did? Would someone care? Would it hurt? Swam around his head. He held the shard to his arm, avoiding the veins. He just wanted to mare the skin, to feel the tug and bitter pain of reality, because he wanted to feel something again, for he felt so desperate. The cool point of the glass touched his skin and he shivered in response. Suddenly, he was alive again, he had been thrown back into his body, he felt the freezing temperatures of the dungeons fall upon his body and he began to tremble convulsively, he was only wearing a blood stained shirt. His eyes prickled and tears began escaping, first in soft sobs then rapidly dropping down his face, wailing between uncontrollable, hectic fits of breath.

_**This chapter felt a little too sad to me, I don't know about you. However, I promise though there were dark themes in this chapter, I have plans for immediate happiness which I will hopefully post very quickly and very soon, so please don't be turned off! Thanks xx**_

_**Oh and please follow or review, it helps spur me on to write more and do less school work thanks. x**_


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter 18

Slughorn had heard the ruckus on his way to get a midnight feast. He had the uttermost shock of his life when he found poor Sirius Black drenched in his own blood surrounded by broken glass. He would have reprimanded him, reported him to McGonagall if were not for how desperate the poor boy was. He was bawling his eyes out, his body jerking uncontrollably and curled in a ball on the floor, his black hair matted and sticking to his wet, sweaty face. Suddenly, he stopped and his body froze. He quickly ran out of the room to wake up Madame Pomfrey immediately and then off to McGonagall's quarters to alert her.

Madame Pomfrey shocked at the urgency in Slughorn's voice in the early hours of the morning, ran down to the dungeons and was frightened half to death by the state of the poor Black boy. His eyes were wide and frightened, due to the pale slimy mess he was and the copious amount of blood and glass surrounding him she would of thought him dead, but being a skilled witch she knew otherwise. There was still a shallow indent when he breathed in and a slight tremble when he exhaled. She carefully floated him with her wand and walked him upstairs to the ward as carefully as possible. She saw immediately when in the light of the ward that the cuts were not nearly as extensive as she had feared, however, just a rather ugly one within his palm. She often didn't solve cuts like this, vanish them from peoples bodies, as it was a waste of magic and often the kids needed to learn a lesson due to their recklessness but she felt compelled to offer it to the shaken up boy who seemed so lost. She removed the glass with her wand and washed the wounds with a simple cleansing potion before asking Sirius 'Now dear, would you like me to make them disappear?'

To her shock he frantically shook his head, and she thought what a weird boy, but, being professional she quickly set her wand about charming stitches into his wounds and went to find fresh bed gowns and hot water and soap to sponge him down to bring up his temperature.

Sirius was as shocked himself at his answer. He thought he was weird and this made him a little disgusted of himself. However, for some reason he felt h couldn't part with the cuts, he wanted them there. He was ashamed and attached to them all at the same time. He further coward into his frame feeling even sicker with himself for his choice.

Minerva was shocked to hear about Sirius Black that night. She quickly strode to the hospital wing and quickly slipped into Poppy's office to chat about the scale of the issue. Apparently the wounds were not too serious though there had been a lot of blood and glass which looked rather horrific. Horris had been particularly shaken up; she had left him in her quarters with a large glass of whiskey to calm him down.

When she went through to see Sirius, she was taken aback by the dead look of his eyes. He seemed so sad and defeated and she felt pity for the poor boy. He was covered by a sheet and she couldn't see his wounds and wondered for a second whether it was… She pushed it out of her head quickly.

Madam Pomfrey relieved those worries quickly, as she pulled the sheet back, checked the lines of wounds and cast a charm to relieve the pain. She could see the scar were only on the knuckles and one very sore one in his palm. 'Thank goodness' she breathed to herself.

She decided he looked exhausted and thought it better to talk with him in the morning rather than now, as it was it was extremely late in the night. She went down to the dungeons where she cast a few simple cleaning charms to clear away the horrific scene Sirius had left behind. As she was doing so, she wondered what had possessed the boy to get so hurt.

Xxx

Remus lay awake that night, restless. He knew Sirius hadn't come back, he normally did. He would sneak back in at the early hours of the morning and wake up before or after Remus, James and Peter had left. Remus felt completely hurt, but, he understood. Sirius was horrified by his condition. James protested it was due to arguments between them, in attempt to save Remus' feelings.

Tonight though, was different. Remus could feel it. He didn't know how to explain it, but, he knew something bad had happened to Sirius, or Sirius was hurt- or something.

He knew something wasn't right, it manifested deep in his chest, within the beat of his heart and he couldn't sleep because of it.

The next morning, James was surprised to see Sirius' bed drapes wide open and the bedding unslept in. Remus hadn't slept and knew this already, he also could tell Sirius wouldn't be in the great hall or potions, even transfigurations after that. Still at the end of transfigurations he decided to see if Ms McGonagall knew exactly what had happened to Sirius.

'MS McGonagall?' He asked, trying to gain her attention.

She looked up and couldn't help give Remus a warm smile 'yes Remus, what is it?'

'Erm… well it is Sirius I was wondering… well, where is he?' he struggled to say, he couldn't come out and say he knew something bad had happened, she would think he was involved, or worse crazy.

'Mr Black is in the hospital ward, I should think he will be better for tomorrow' she smiled, nicely before adding a stern edge 'I should think Mr Lupin that your next Professor shan't be happy with how late you are', her eyebrows rising a good few inches.

Remus ran to charms, he was only a little late and managed to slip in the back, Flitwick was a little bit old and batty anyway so he probably hadn't noticed. In there he told James how Sirius was in the hospital ward and was really sick. He added the really sick because he could feel it, he knew and since Srius hated him at the minute, he needed James to go.

Xxx

James didn't want to, but, he felt he had to visit Sirius. Sirius was his best mate, and though he was being awfully snobby now, they were still friends and Sirius probably needed him. Plus Remus had practically begged on his knees that James went.

When James arrived, his mouth dropped at the sight of Sirius, it wasn't the sore cut in his palm, or the bruises on his knuckles and the pale- nearly grey- skin and darkly circled eyes. It was rather the so desperately sad look Sirius carried. He looked lost.

'Sirius…' he thought aloud, concern oozing through the sigh.

'James' he croaked back, trying to retain a nonchalant, dry tone but it still came out weak and defeated.

'What did you do?' he asked trying to make conversation, sitting on the armchair beside the bed.

'I punched a glass cabinet' he spoke, looking down at his major wound.

'Sirius, I'm sorry…'

'Not today James' he cut him off.

'We are still friends you know' he commented, trying to sound wise, it was a perceptive comment his father would have made.

'We are? I'm not' he spat, his voice hoarse and barely above a whisper.

'Of course we are' James tried.

'No your friend is Remus, you chose him' he forced as much possible venom into him as possible.

'Look, if you're not going to get over Remus yet, can't we still be friends…'

'Yet! Yet!' he screeched, his voice crackling 'He is blood thirsty beast!'

'He is Remus'

'He lied to us James, you can't you get that!'

'Sirius, come on…'

'No!' he tried determinedly 'I can't, I can't accept it when you want to flaunt yourself like a nice tasty piece of bait in front of that savage!'

'Savage? He has never hurt anyone in his life! You know he locks himself in, don't you, the wolf doesn't like that. Did you know that Sirius' James cried, he had tears pricking at his eyes, his voice was breaking 'do you know what the wolf does to him?' He breaks Remus' bones, bites out chunks of flesh and tortures him as punishment. The wolf isn't Remus, it hurts Remus'

Sirius didn't know what to say, he didn't know this, he… he couldn't think properly this morning, Remus was still a werewolf…

James persisted 'And you know what Sirius, every morning he has to lie up in here all alone and in pain, while Pomfrey heals his broken bones. Have you seen his scars? Sometimes she can't replace a full amount of flesh! He lies in that bed right there' James pointed to the window 'all alone and in pain, he asks to be there because the sun reminds him he is human again, the sun is safe, he won't be hurt again, in agony. It is all over, he got through it!'

'James…' Sirius began but, he was interrupted.

'Don't Sirius, I am not going to force you, okay, just for once think' James sighed before getting up and leaving.

Sirius was left to contemplate this all on his own.


	19. Chapter 19

**Chapter 19**

Remus paced back and forth before the big heavy oak doors. His hands were shaking and he was biting his lip furiously. Why was he doing this? Sirius still hated him.

He placed a palm to the door and timidly pushed it open, sucking in a huge breath. Sirius was sitting with his back to Remus on his bed, two away from the window.

The wind caught his lightly curled locks and played with them as though they were dancing puppets. He could see the outline of his sharp nose and angular cheeks and jaw.

Remus built up the courage to walk over and cautiously whispered 'hey'.

'Hi' Sirius replied, not too coldly, which filled Remus with hope. Yet he was still racked with nerves. They remained in silence for a while, Sirius content and not wishing to say anything and Remus desperately trying to think of something to say.

'I don't know why I am here' he half laughed, nervously.

'Oh right' Sirius commented, seeming indifferent. He picked at the bedding, pulling away loose strands, idly.

'I just came, I found myself here. I don't know why, I know you hate me' he ventured, again he didn't know why he said it, but, he thought he had to know. It just blurted out of his mouth, he immediately regretted it. It was like sharing his most intimate secret to only be laughed at. What if Sirius said yes? He couldn't… but nevertheless Remus had revealed his worst fear along with transformation, loosing Sirius.

'I don't hate you Remus' Sirius spoke, still not looking at him, avoiding the beaming smile Remus allowed to escape 'I hate the wolf… you're a werewolf, but, I don't hate you'

Sirius could hear Remus somewhere through the timid confession relieve a breath he must have been holding.

'Oh… I don't know what to say Sirius…' Remus thought aloud. He was inwardly leaping and dancing about.

'Remus, please give me time, it's hard…' Sirius reasoned, he was really struggling with this conversation and bewildered to why he wasn't pushing Remus away.

'I am sorry for being…' he began, instinctively apologising feeling the need to excuse himself for something completely out of his control. This tugged at Sirius's heart strings and he hated himself, suddenly, for making Remus feel this way.

'I have just been told all of this stuff, this stuff about werewolves and it isn't you and I don't know what to think' he confessed 'it feels like, accepting you I am loosing another bit of myself, do you understand? Like I am losing my family even more, that I will no longer be a Black but Yet I am one… I don't know… oh Merlin, and I feel so lonely I don't know what to do. You betrayed me, and it hurt… and…' But he could no longer carry on, it felt too private to share with Remus a boy, he now felt he barely knew that their friendship was a lifetime ago.

'You're not lonely Sirius, only if you want to be my friend, I am here, but, I know I hurt you, I lied to you, told you someone I wasn't… but, I am me, it is just I couldn't tell someone about my lycanthropy because, I would lose them… like this… it was greedy but, I just wanted friends Sirius… I am so sorry' Remus pleaded, sitting on the bed in what looked like pain. He had curled his legs up to his chest, his eyes focussing on the dead space below the window and sheen of sweat shining on his suddenly sickly grey skin. He was normally vibrant and warm coloured.

Sirius really couldn't bare seeing Remus like this, he was still selfless Remus, only caring about others, and he reached over and placed his good hand on Remus' shoulder to soothe him. Instantly Remus dived into Sirius's body, wrapping his arms around and clinging tightly to Sirius's bony frame in absolute desperation.

Sirius felt awkward for a few seconds fighting with his will power, he wanted to hold onto Remus and feel that warmth that Remus possessed, and he wanted to be friends with Remus. It hurt to think he broke their friendship and upset him. He also needed him and thought it would be so easy to hug him, give into the warmness, that it would sear away the loneliness he had felt for the past week and burn the scars away. It wold be such an easy decent.

Yet, there was rationality in his brain, ringing alarms. Telling him, Remus is a beast, Remus made those scars, he is the reason you are in here today, because how he made you feel. You're not ready; ask for more time his brain begged. Sirius knew though, that it would hurt Remus even more.

A small snuffle from Remus awoke Sirius, he gulped down the small tumour of hatred and pulled his arms around Remus. It felt so good, to be held again and to be needed and wanted, to know Remus was there for him. He didn't realise at first, but tears began to stream down his face and land on the crown Remus' head.

'You're crying' Remus noted worried, adjusting his position to catch a tear with his fingertip 'what's wrong?'

But, Sirius couldn't say, his throat was entirely closed up. Maybe, it was because he wasn't ready, didn't trust Remus enough yet. Or, maybe it was because he didn't want to ruin the moment. Sirius really didn't know. He just snuggled further into the hug, holding them together painfully tight.

Xxx

Sirius, to his dismay spent another day in the hospital due to Pomfrey's concern. Remus came to visit as soon as lessons were over.

Remus was desperate to regain their friendship. He arrived with a large bar of chocolate and cinnamon buns his mum had sent him. He had also brought Sirius his set of wizarding chess, so they could play, and the notes from the classes he had missed.

'Checkmate' Sirius smiled.

'Crap' Remus pondered, shoving a piece of chocolate in his mouth as he thought.

'I thought that was my chocolate' Sirius whined. Remus looked up to see Sirius smiling at him. His hair was knotted and standing up at odd angles, but, he had more colour in his cheeks and he looked clean and healthy. Remus was glad, Sirius was more or less was his old self, and their friendship seemed so too. Though at times, it did seem as though Sirius was trying to be friendly rather than it being easy and natural.

'Sorry' Remus muttered through the mouth full 'are you feeling better?'

'Yeah' he smiled leaning back onto his pillow 'she said I will be in lessons tomorrow morning'

'Good' Remus beamed, which in turn caused Sirius to smile.

Sirius could feel himself slipping easily, for seconds on time forgetting Remus was a werewolf, he would feel carefree and happy, but then he would remember. He wished he didn't, he wished he didn't know, he did truly like Remus, but, he couldn't supress the horrific image of the wolf, hunting at night, in the white glare of a full moon. It made him feel sick. It made him feel sick, that Remus was that.

But, for now he would try to be friends, for Remus's sake and James's, and secretly because it hurt too much without Remus.

Xxx

Two weeks later, it was the four friend's first full moon, after Remus's secret had been shared. There was an awkward silence about the air and all four boys were unwilling to say anything. Remus, as usual packed his bag. A pair of pyjama's, his care package from his mum and the necklace his mum had given him when starting Hogwarts.

Early the next morning Sirius gave up on trying to sleep, the sun had risen enough that the light was no longer blue and he no longer felt like wallowing in his own pity. He wasn't surprised to see James, still fully clothed from yesterday asleep on his bed. He was sprawled across it, taking up as much room as possible however; his head was at the foot of the bed. He must have eventually passed out somewhere after midnight, he too couldn't sleep.

Sirius slipped on his school clothes half-heartedly. He didn't bother with his tie, jumper or robe but, rather enjoyed the sharp sting of the early morning air, it freshened him, which was all well since Sirius really didn't care for a shower that morning.

Absently minded, he began wandering around the halls; it was too early for people yet, never mind breakfast. He allowed his mind to drift and found he was thinking about Remus. He didn't think about anything in detail however, just saw an image of him in his mind and replayed it over and over. He was smiling, but, too himself, he was concentrating on an essay Sirius had attempted all on his own. He had such smooth and pale skin, with amazing orbs of bottle green, which seemed ever so thoughtful and intelligent. His hair would drop into his face in heavy straight locks of dark blonde and he would attempt to blow them away lazily till he gave up and tucked them behind his ears again. Then he would look up and stare straight into Sirius's own eyes and he would feel something tugging at the pit of his stomach…

Suddenly Sirius realised he was outside the Hospital wing door. It was slightly ajar and he could here soft moans from inside. He didn't know what possessed him, but, he had to walk in and see.

There he found Remus. His body splashed with blood, his left arm crumpled and thrown in crooked angles. His leg was gnawed at the calf and there were deep gashes; the strike of claws slashing his thighs and sides. Sirius stood affixed, in horror at poor Remus. He then caught Remus wide green eyes, which seemed to flicker between shame and worry.

'Sirius, please don't look' he begged weakly. He didn't ask him to leave, he wanted him here, he could feel his presence and it made him feel safe. But, he didn't want Sirius to be filled with so much pity and see Remus as weak, and act as his parents did. Sirius didn't stop staring and Remus could feel his gaze burn past his flesh and into his body.

At Remus's weak plea, everything that had been preventing Sirius from being Remus's friend fully, resenting him and feeling hurt flew away. He forgave him for something he had already forgotten and all he wanted to do was see Remus be unbroken and whole.

_**See Sirius and Remus = happy! Yay!**_

_**Please comment. I really enjoy them :)**_


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